Ask Alnel!
by Kikeri Ki
Summary: It's Elicoorian Radio, Elicoor II's first ever radio station! Starring Your hosts...Albel and Nel! Call in with your questions and you're sure to get SOME answer Not really a romantic fic Rated for swearing
1. Default Chapter

**Ask Alnel!**

Chapter One: Default Chapter

**(A/N: Well in memory of my other story, Movie Madness, I bring you this one. Here's the deal. Albel and Nel get their own radio station to answer questions, comments and other random things. Problem is they kinda hate each other…this could be a problem…luckily their friends might be of some help.**

**YOUR JOB! Ask Albel and Nel questions! I will try and make sure that you get on the show. Make'em as interesting as you can (it'll liven up the show!) Hopefully you'll like this story and you'll review. It's just for Albel and Nel for now, but maybe sometimes I'll have specials where you can ask the others questions. I'll let you know when that happens. Again I hope you like it, so on to the show!)**

_**Disclaimer: -hysterical laughter- yeah right… **_

"Testing one, two, three…this is Nel Zelpher of Elicoorian radio," Nel tapped the microphone.

"Nope still nothing!" Maria said outside the studio

"DAMN!" Nel took out her daggers and started beating the crap out of the equipment

"I heard it!" Maria shouted but to none avail

"What are you doing worm?" Albel's voice came from the doorway

"Trying to get this crud to work!" Nel managed to say in her frenzied rage at the machine

"Well you're doing it all wrong!" Albel pushed her away. After examining the mike for about a minute he withdrew his katana and started hitting the machine.

"Uh…wasn't I just doing that a second ago?" Nel asked

"Not with a katana you weren't!" He exclaimed. She sighed only 5 minutes of working with him and he was already driving her INSANE!

"I said I heard you already!" Maria screamed

"LISTEN TO HER DANG IT!" Another voice (Cliff's) shouted

"OK!" Nel yelled back and poked Albel on the shoulder causing him to yelp

"WHAT?"

"You can stop now…they hear us," Nel explained

Albel sighed. He didn't know how he got roped into this job. Elicoor's first radio station and HE, Albel Nox, had to run it. With an Aquarian wretch no less.

"Whatever," he grunted and sat down in his chair awaiting the phone calls

"Ahem…" Nel cleared her throat, "This is Nel Zelpher and Albel Nox of Elicoorian radio. Why I have to work with an Airyglyphian moron is beyond me,"

"Damn you woman!" Albel grabbed his katana and Nel, her daggers.

The first radio broadcast that Elicoor II would ever hear was the epic battle between its two hosts. Well this should be good…

**(A/N: Very short intro chapter for you. Please review and send your questions or comments to Albel and Nel! Hope you like it!)**


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter Two: On Relationships, Fanfiction, and Demons 

**(A/N: Wow…I probably should've updated this earlier…but I've been stressed out to the max lately and been very depressed… (I HATE BEING A SOPHOMORE!) So without further ado I introduce chapter two (heh that rhymes! Speaking of which I wrote a new poem! It's weird, creepy, and slightly morbid O.o…) I'd like to thank all my reviewers with questions and to Blue Persuasion for her idea, and Raven the Dark Angel for warning me about the dangers of having this type of a story… (I just don't care if it's illegal or not…) I hope you like this chapter and please keep reviewing!**

_**Disclaimer: …O.o…-bursts into hysterical laughter- yeah…not gonna happen…**_

"And we're back on the air! Welcome one and all to Elicoorian Radio, with your hosts, Nel and Albel!" Nel exclaimed

"Hey! Why did you say your name before mine?" whined Albel

"Because I have the mike and you don't you stupid cross dressing Airyglyphian!"

"OH THAT'S IT!" Albel drew out his katana

"Just shut it Albelina so we can answer the caller's questions!" Nel snapped back

"Speaking of which…Does Elicoor even have a phone system?"

"…" Nel gave him a look of pure death and then sighed, "Apparently yes if we have a radio talk show," she rolled her eyes

"Good point…"

"So…our first caller of the day! Please welcome Deathblade Prime!" Nel flipped the switch on the noise effects machine and suddenly a loud Barney song played over the loudspeaker.

"I love you, you love me…" the song blared

"Oops…" Nel blushed and quickly flipped the switch off. Everything was deathly quiet. The silence was then broken by Albel's snickering followed by all out laughter

"NEL LIKES BARNEY!" He cackled with laughter

"…" Nel drew out her daggers and was about to attack her co-host when she was interrupted by a loud sound of impatience from the phone line

"Oh…sorry," she muttered, "uh…so what's the question?"

"Greetings! I just want to ask…do you have a good name for a bad ass demon lord."

"Uh…" Nel trailed off

"Yeah I got one! Albel!" Albel exclaimed

"…No one in their freakin' mind will name a demon lord after you, you stupid twit!" Nel turned on the swordsman and glared

"Well do you have a better name?" he countered

"Yes! Uh…"

"Come on we're waiting," Albel said mockingly

"Fine! Uh…Crosell…or…Damon," she finished

"DAMON! What the heck? At least I didn't use a name that's has only a one letter difference!" Albel yelled

"WELL EXCUSE ME MISTER 'I THINK I'M A BAD BOY, BUT IN REALITY I'M A BIG LOSER!"

"GOD YOU STUPID MAGGOT! I'LL TEAR YOU UP AND FEED YOU TO THE DOGS WORM!"

The voice on the phone laughed, "It's so nice to see them getting along," they laughed, "Maybe they'll kill each other!" you could hear the sound of a person getting comfortable in the background to watch the fight of the century

"At least my ideas were creative!" Nel shouted angrily

"You changed one goddamn letter in Demon you worm!" Albel shouted back just as fiercely

"At least I don't love myself enough to name a demon after me!"

"…BEEP…This caller's time is up…please continue the show" a computerized voice monotone said

"Er…ok…" Nel said then whispered, "I don't think we helped that caller much…"

"It's your entire fault too!" Albel blamed

Nel sighed then picked up the microphone again, "Caller two, Kite of the Azure Sky, you're on the air!"

"Yo Yo! Hey Nel! How'd you fall in love with Albel anyway? I've read many stories with different stories behind it. And Albel, how'd you fall in love with Nel?" the voice asked

"O.O…" both the radio hosts looked stunned

"When did I ever say that I loved Albel?" Nel asked in disbelief

"Yeah…same question…" Albel's red eyes were opened wide

"Look on There are loads of stories about you two there," the voice Albel asked

"Internet you moron," Nel smacked her forehead and pulled out Maria's laptop

"Um…does Maria know you have that thing?" Albel asked

"Maybe…" Nel trailed off

_Somewhere…_

"HEY WHERE'S MY COMPUTER!"

"Er…maybe Roger stole it again?" Fayt suggested

"Grrr…" Maria stormed off angrily

"Hey Maria what's up?" Roger asked as Maria stomped into his house

"DIE YOU LITTLE KLEPTO!"

"AHHH!"

_Back at the Station…_

"Aha! Here it is, Nel said, clicking to the Star Ocean stories. She gasped

"What?" Albel asked curiously  
"They know about our lives! And they're making up ridiculous stories about us! Especially about us being…in love…" Nel sounded shocked

"Let me see that…" Albel grabbed the computer. His eyes narrowed

"What?" Nel asked

"You think you've got it bad with being paired with me? THEY'VE GOT ME FREAKIN' PAIRED WITH FAYT!" Albel sounded mad as heck

"Oooo…that would suck…"

"Hey there are some stories where Nel is paired with Fayt…" Kite of the Azure Sky mentioned

"Well at least it's not as bad as a boyxboy paring," she muttered

"…but here's one with you paired with Clair…" Kite continued

"WHAT! She's my best friend!" Nel sounded outraged

"WHO IN THEIR RIGHT MINDS WOULD WRITE STUFF LIKE THIS?" Albel wondered out loud

_Meanwhile…_

"Heh…what do you think Peppita, should Albel be with Fayt or Nel?" Sophia asked

"Hm…" Peppita trailed off, and then snapped her fingers, "I've got it! Have Nel fight with Fayt over Albel! That'll show some angst and tragedy, and otherwise romance into the story! Also try putting some smut in there!" Peppita finished

"Works for me!" Sophia giggled and started typing

_Back to…somewhat reality…_

"God when I find out who writes this garbage…" Albel cracked his knuckles in a fierce way

"Well how did you two fall in love?" Kite asked again

"WE DIDN'T!" Albel shouted and slammed the phone down

"Geez be mean to the callers," Nel said sarcastically

"Well sheesh…"

"I know but it isn't their faults,"

"Next caller, Aleu the Lunar Wolf you're on the air," Albel muttered

"Yeah, my question is, Nel what made Albel attractive to you, and to Albel same question except what made Nel attractive to you?" Aleu said

"I thought we had this cleared up! I don't love Nel and she doesn't love me!" Albel yelled

"Simmer down idiot," Nel now turned her attention to the caller, "I don't suppose this has anything to do with a certain sighed, "Why is it that we always get paired together?" she asked

"Well…you're very close in age, both live on the same planet, and the list just keeps going," came the answer

"And nobody bothers to realize the fact that our countries were once bitter enemies?"

"Pretty much," Nel sweat-dropped

"Ok for the record I don't love the Aquarian wretch…" Albel started

"And I don't love the Airyglyphian moron," Nel finished

"Aww! You finished each others sentence!"

"DAMN IT!" Albel drew out his sword and proceeded to destroy the phone

"Jeez… now how are we going to finish the show?" Nel asked

"Bah…I have a spare," Albel pulled out a phone

"I don't even want to know," she muttered, and then picked up the phone, "Our last caller please talk to us…er…something is wrong with the thing that tells me whom I'm talking to…"

"Well uh…this is…Mr. L and I'm wondering how I can get my daughter married off…"

"Wait you're going to MAKE her marry someone?" Nel asked

"Uh…if it comes down to that,"

"Bah make the wretch. It'll do her good to be wed," Albel said with an uncaring shrug

"Now hold on, you should not marry her off against her will! That's just cruel!" Nel exclaimed

"So if the queen made you marry someone for the sake of your country you wouldn't?" Albel asked slyly

"THAT'S DIFFERENT!"

"I see no difference"

"Well if it was for my country I would, but if my father said I had to marry someone, I'd rather eat my own tongue,"

"Your father is dead fool,"

"I know! It was a hypothetical statement!"

"So…any ideas?" Mr. L asked

"Um…not really…she's your daughter…she should obey you," Albel muttered

"…Wait…is this Adray?" Nel asked, finally recognizing the voice

"…no…uh…this is Mr. L" the voice stammered

"As in Adray Lasbard," Nel snickered

"Oh god more Aquarians…" Albel muttered

"Dad?" another voice came onto the phone, "What are you doing?"

"Clair is that you?" Adray's voice shook a bit over the phone

"What are you doing?" Clair repeated the question

"Uh…well…er…"

"Clair, this is Nel, Your dad is trying to get you married…again…" Nel said

"WHAT? DAMN IT DAD! FIRE BOLT!" the sounds of screaming and running sounded throughout the studio and then the phone went dead.

"Uh…ok…" Albel murmured

"Just be thankful she didn't hear your comments about the man running her business," Nel warned him

"Yeah whatever…" Albel said in complete boredom

"And now to end this show well will be reading passages from Albel's Diary!" Nel pulled out the small black book.

"O.o, What the hell? Give it back!" Albel cried

"Dear Diary, I love Nel…She's so pretty and cute…I think I want to make out with her…" Nel stopped "O.o… what the heck?"

"Uh…I can explain…I hope…" Albel stared at her in fear

"Oh my god…" Nel whispered

"Uh-oh…" Albel gulped. And suddenly the radio signal went out

_Again Meanwhile…_

"GET BACK HERE CAT BOY!"

"AHHHHHH! I didn't steal you freakin' computer!"

"Tell that to my fist you wimp!"

**(A/N: uh-oh is right…poor Albel…oh well his problem! Lol I hope you liked it and please review! Heh I started my Star Ocean game over (I didn't even finish my first one but…oh well…) and I've learned a few things**

**1. I do not like Peppita or Sophia (I think they're clueless idiots I'm sorry to anyone who likes them…)**

**2. Nel is the most awesome character!**

**3. I like Albel and Nel paring's (even though Nel and Fayt is still my favorite)**

**4. Making Sophia mad is fun! **

**5. I don't have a life…**

**Well that's it for now…again send in those questions and I hope you liked this chapter…)**


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter Three: Skirts, Fears, Claws and…a Notebook?

**(A/N: Hola! I'm back with another chapter! and you'll be happy to know that I failed another Geometry test…which now brings my grade from an F to…an even lower F oh joy! –sarcasm- bah, I still haven't found one thing that Geometry is going to help me with in later life…but I still have to pass if I want to not take it again next year…oops starting to ramble…**

**Well thank you for all the reviews! I thank Blue Persuasion, and Flamed Fire 250 for their words of support and ideas…, and I thank all the reviewers who asked questions…and um…that's it I guess…)**

"This is your favorite radio station…" Nel began

"And only radio station" Albel muttered

"…Elicoorian Radio!" Nel glared at her co-host

"Bah…this sucks…" Albel glowered. Nel, shocked at the things that he said in his diary about her (yes she read the whole thing…) had just whipped him at a game of extreme dagger balancing…and rock paper lum monster…and at internet solitaire.

"Yeah that's right lover boy…sulk all you want," Nel grinned

"You got lucky worm…"

"Ah…don't you mean HOT worm?"

"Dammit…you die soon…I hope…"

"Anyway caller one, The Crazy Authoresses CAT and AMS you are on the air!"

"Wait…I have a question…why do all these callers have whacked out names?" Albel asked

"To protect privacy or something…I don't know ask Fayt!" Nel said sharply

"Whatever…just ask the question…"

"Ok…Just wondering if you two have any weak points?" The caller said

"Yeah if you poke Albel in the sides he wigs out," Nel grinned evilly and poked the poor Airyglyphian."

"GOD! DAMN YOU WRETCH!" Albel shrieked

Far away CAT and AMS sweatdropped, "Not exactly what we meant, do you have any soft spots…" Nel opened her mouth and Albel flinched noticeably, "…In your heart?"

"Oh…" Now Albel got an evil gleam in his eye, and flipped a switch. Immediately an annoying lovable song began playing

"I love you, you love me! We're a happy family! With a great big hug…" in a second Nel's posture slackened and a wide dopey grin plastered on her face. She stared, mesmerized at the song.

"That would be her weak point," Albel snickered. The song finally stopped playing and Nel glared at the man.

"And I think I know his weak point in his heart…" Nel pulled out a feather

"A feather?" The caller asked in disbelief…but suddenly a change came over Albel. His eyes widened and he grinned like a small child in a candy factory.

"FEATHER!" he squealed delightedly and started blowing the feather in the air and watching it fall again. He repeated the process over…and over…and over…

"That is so scary…" Nel murmured

"Ok…got another question for you two,"

"Spill it, Albel's brain has gone bye-bye for awhile," Nel watched her co-host for a moment and sighed

"Do you guys have any major fears?"

"Well…um…weird to say…" Nel looked at Albel to see if he would blackmail her forever if she said this but he was off in la la land anyway, "uh…I kinda don't like spiders…in fact I freak if I see one," suddenly a spider appeared, "AHHH! SPIDER!" Nel quickly grabbed a dagger and beat the spider mercilessly as it crawled over a table

"Uh…ok…"

"Yeah…that's my fear…"

"What about Albel…If I don't get an answer from him I'll set demented penguins on him!" CAT and AMS threatened

Albel's eyes widened at the mention of the aquatic bird, "AHHHHH!" He yelled and pelted right smack into the door.

Nel sighed, "Um…well I guess you figured that out fast enough,"

Somewhere…out in the cosmos two certain people were laughing their heads off at the fact that Albel the Wicked just flipped out…

"I guess that's it then…Next caller, Plot Hole of No Return, you're on the air!"

"Yeah, my question is for Albel," the caller said

"Just a second," Nel grabbed Albel from behind and pulled his head out of the door. The shock of his head smashing through 4 inches of wood seemed to have calmed him down.

"What is maggot?" he sneered

"Why do you wear a skirt? I mean I can understand the purple, but why a skirt? With a slit? That's just wrong, it's like you're a cross-dressed Scottish slut!"

Albel's eyes narrowed, "…" suddenly he broke loose, "DAMN IT! IT'S NOT A GODDAMN SKIRT! IT'S A SARONG! MEN CAN WEAR THEM IF THEY WANT!"

Nel grinned, "What men? Girly men?" she laughed

A muscle in his eye twitched"Men who are secure in their masculinity,"

"More like men who want attention from other guys," Nel muttered. The vein in his eye twitched furiously

"Damn you all to hell," he finally said

"Ooooo… scary words from a cross dressed captain," Nel said sarcastically

"I'LL KILL YOU!" Albel drew out his sword,

"Look I just beat you in a mess of games you sissy lover boy, now if you don't sit down and behave I'll beat your head in with a rake," Nel threatened

"Next caller…oh no…" Albel grumbled. Nel looked at the caller ID and grinned.

"Aleu the Lunar Wolf! You came back!" she smiled

"Yeah! I have another question for you,"

"Ok let's hear it!" Nel grinned

"Well I guess it's more for Albel…"

"DAMN IT IT'S NOT A SKIRT…" Albel yelled

"She hasn't asked the question yet moron," Nel smacked him in the back of the head.

"Have you ever taken off your claw? And did you feel any pain when they put it on?" Aleu asked

Albel grinned his classic wicked grin, "well it did hurt when they put it on…I was a young lad at the time and even though it pained me horribly I knew that one day my dream would be realized and that wearing this claw……………

_Two Hours Later…_

"And that's my story maggot, any questions?"

"Yeah can you make it even more boring and just answer the freaking question properly?" Nel asked sarcastically

"Fine…" he grumbled

"Hallelujah!" the phone echoed a cry of relief

"I hurt when they put it on…and yeah I take it off before bed every night,"

"Whoa…you mean you AREN'T a blood thirsty vampire-death walker of the night? Wow…" Nel waited for the response to that

Albel glared at her, "you're very sure of yourself aren't you?"

"Hey I have to look at my face in the morning…not yours!"

"WHY YOU!"

_"LADY NEL! I HAVE SOMETHING FOR YOU!"_

"Oh god…it's that annoying little Aquarian maggot," Albel shuddered

"Hey she's my subordinate! Show some respect!" Nel reprimanded him, then grimaced as Farleen's voice came through the door before she did

"_Clair said I should…uh…return this…oops I mean I found this!" _Farleen thrust a package at her leader. Inside was a blue notebook with numerous doodles on the cover.

"Wait…this is MY notebook…why did CLAIR have it?" Nel sounded shaken

_"I dunno! She just gave it to me to give to you!"_

"Well thanks…you didn't read any of it did you?" Nel prayed

_"Nope!"_ Farleen turned to leave, "_By the way…who is Nel Nox?"_

Nel paled while Albel let out a hoot of laughter, "well the tables have certainly turned maggot," Albel grinned wickedly

"Oh damn…" Nel turned to Farleen, "You did read the journal didn't you!"

"No ma'am! It's written all over the cover! Right next to the little hearts and for some odd reason, Lord Albel's name!"

At this Albel started laughing his head off. Nel blushed

"CLAIR I'M GOING TO KILL YOU!"

_Somewhere far away…_

"Whoa…that sounded like Nel…" Cliff trailed off

"Clair uh…what did you do?" Mirage asked. Clair looked on the verge of tearing up with laughter

"Oh…uh…nothing…" She managed to choke out, "by the way you might want to start calling Lady Nel, Lady Nox!"

"And I think you might want to run for your life," Maria said pointing. Sure enough, a cloud of dust was forming in the southwest…the direction of the radio station

"Oh crap…" Clair took off running

"YOU'RE GOING DOWN, DEAR FRIEND OF MINE!"

"AHHHH!"

**(A/N: I hope you liked this chapter! I did…um…yeah…I probably should stop talking now… (Has anyone noticed that Albel seems way outta character…oh well…?) TTFN and please keep asking those questions!)**


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4: Love Birds (Maybe…)

**(A/N: to keep my mind off of my impending drivers test (Its tomorrow –starts freaking again-) I bring you this chapter. I love getting reviews! It's hilarious to read all the questions…so keep reviewing…)**

**_Disclaimer: Nope…But I own my new website: ...but it's still a work in progress _**

"Well you know the drill. We're Nel and Albel broadcasting live on Elicoorian Radio!" Nel said as another day of radio came to life

"Wow…have we become that predictable?" Albel asked

"Probably"

"Yeah…this show has become very…awkward…"

"Agreed"

"Yep…"

"So…Deathblade Prime you're back on the air,"

"Yeah well I was just wondering… well actually Tyree Frostmorn was wondering if you're still mad at him," Deathblade wondered

"…He jumped me with my own weapons…" Nel looked wounded

"HA! The great ninja chick Nel Zelpher got attacked? This is so perfect!" Albel laughed

"…" Nel glared daggers at her co-host

"I wouldn't be talking Kilt-Boy" Deathblade snickered

"IT'S NOT A KILT! IT'S A SKIRT!" Albel yelled

"Heh whatever you say then," Deathblade laughed. Nel too snickered and giggled as Albel realized his fatal mistake

"DAMN IT!" he cursed

"Well to answer your question, I'm not mad but a bit affronted that that little 'incident' happened. Next caller, Aleu the Lunar Wolf! You're on the air…again!" Nel said

"Greetings! I keep coming back just to annoy the pants off you guys…or in Albel's case, his skirt!"

"Damn you all…why won't you die?" Albel muttered darkly

"Anyway just wondering why you guys lied to us,"

"Uh…when did we lie to you?" Nel was confused

"Well duh! You said that you guys hated each other, but Albel's Diary and your journal said differently," Aleu said logically

"Uh…O.o" Nel didn't expect anyone to question this fact

"…Well…er…we decided that…due to…present circumstances…we wouldn't become involved romantically," Albel finally stammered out

"Why?"

"Because we do!" Albel smashed down the receiver

"Jeez…be mean why don't you?" Nel said sarcastically

"Bah…wretch…" Albel grumbled

"Our last caller of the day, Blue Persuasion!" Nel exclaimed trying to change the subject

"I've got three questions for you two," Blue said

"Spill it worm I don't got all day," Albel mumbled

"Number one, if a Tree fell in the middle of a forest…what would your favorite color be?"

"What the hell?" Albel questioned in disbelief

"Green because that's the color of the leaves," Nel replied easily

"Am I missing something or have these maggots lost their minds?

"Number two, Albel, Why are there pictures on the internet of you playing with kittens?"

"HAHA! Albel likes cats!" Nel shouted with laughter

"WHAT? Those weren't supposed to be seen! I mean…uh…" Albel stammered

"Busted," Blue laughed

"God…I hate this job…" Albel muttered and blushed

"And number three, Nel, is it true that you dress up like Albel when nobody's around?"

"Uh…no? I wear skirts but I'm a girl…its different!" Nel said

"How do you explain these pictures?" Blue faxed some pictures of Nel in a purple skirt and a crop top

"……Damn it……Cliff wasn't supposed to take pictures of that dare!" Nel tore out of the room

"Well that's the end of Elicoorian radio for today, please stay tuned…aw who am I kidding, get lost you morons!" Albel signed out for the night

_Meanwhile…_

"You are so dead Cliff!"

"EEEIIEEEIIIE!" Cliff screamed and a loud thud was heard throughout the streets of Aquios.

**(A/N: Yeah…well hope you liked it! And you'll be happy to know that my grade in Geometry has gone from an F to a D! Yay doing homework does help!)**


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter 5: Time for a Psychology Lesson!

**(A/N: Well uh…_-Bob: Come on…- _Here's another chapter…_-Bob: Just spill it- _I hope you like it _–Bob: just tell them dang it! -_ FINE! I failed my drivers test; you happy now you stupid Goth hottie! _–Bob: Very happy (laughs evilly) -_ -sighs- anyway thanks for all the reviews! Some of the questions…-starts giggling- hope you tune in for another addition of Ask Alnel!)**

_**Disclaimer: Nope…now die all of ya!**_

"Did you kill the blonde maggot?" Albel asked as another edition of Elicoorian Radio unfolded

"Nope," Nel stared out the window dreamily

"What did you do to the worm?" Albel asked in a demanding voice

"What's it to you?" Nel inquired

"I'd just like to know what happened to the maggot,"

"Well…he's tied up and dangling from the Airyglyphian watchtower if you must know," Nel replied

_Meanwhile…_

"AHHH! BIRDS!" Cliff screamed as some seagulls (yes seagulls!) flew over his dangling body and started pecking at his head…and the ropes that held him free falling in the sky, over the city of Airyglyph

"NEL! This is way too extreme of a punishment!" He yelled to no one in particular

"Would you just shut up? We're trying to listen to the radio!" One of the on-duty soldiers reprimanded him

"AHHH!" the rope finally snapped and Cliff went falling…and falling…and falling…till he hit the moat below with a great splash

"Finally peace and quiet," the soldiers turned their attention back to Elicoorian Radio,

_Back…_

"O.o" Albel scooted his chair away from the red-haired woman

"Sorceress Myst, you're on the air!"

"Yeah…Albel, Do you suffer from inferiority complex?"

"A…what?" Albel became confused with the big word

Nel sighed, "It means that you constantly feel lower than everyone else," **(A/N: Right? That's what I found out from the meaning…)**

Albel looked a little miffed, "I am Albel the Wicked and I fear nothing!"

"Right…you just pick on people to make yourself feel better," Nel muttered,"

"WHAT?"

"Oh my gosh! You're just a big bully!" Sorceress Myst sounded shocked

"NO!"

"Then…you do suffer from an inferiority complex?"

"NO!"

"What then you just like making fun of people?"

"Tee hee this is funny!" Nel watched Albel scream into the phone and laughed. Finally Albel handed the phone to her

"Next question is for you," he muttered

"Ok then…"

"Nel, is it true that you snuck into Albel's room repeatedly during the war?"

"…Oh yeah…uh…no," Nel stammered out

"Hey wait! What about that time I found you staring at me while I was asleep?" Albel asked

"…how would you know that if you were sleeping?"

"Good point…"

"Well to answer your question, I am a spy…and he was the enemy…so probably on many occasions" Nel answered the question

"WHAT? You mean you were sneaking around my bedroom at night!" Albel asked in disbelief

Nel shrugged, "Pretty much,"

"You are so lucky I didn't catch you…" Albel murmured

"Aw…but you would never kill me, you love me too much!" Nel cooed

"So do you," Nel shut up quickly and laughed nervously

"Anyway…next caller, oh god…its Aleu again…" Albel looked…scared and Nel just grinned, knowing the torment that could happen to him (and her but…)

"Hey again! Albel…"

"NO!" Albel screamed

"Shut it skirt boy!" Nel exclaimed

"…do you really have braids in your hair?" Aleu continued as though nothing happened

"Yes," Albel looked proud, "I take great pride in my hair,"

"Yeah, your sissy girly braids hair…" Nel snickered

"Damn you wretch" Albel muttered darkly

"Cool! Can I pull on them?" Aleu asked sweetly

"Why you little…jerk!" Albel glared at the disembodied voice of the phone

"Please?" Aleu asked again

"No way…"

Aleu sighed "fine, my next question is for you Nel,"

"Ok, what's the question?"

"Do you dye your hair red?"

"Uh…err…" Nel looked confused, "FAYT COME HERE!"

"What? You woke me up from a really nice dream," Fayt entered the studio

"About what, your imaginary girlfriends finally kiss you?" Albel sneered

"Duh…" Albel sweatdropped at his reply

"Anyway Fayt what does 'dye your hair' mean?" Nel asked

"…it means change the color of you hair,"

"Jeez fool how dumb are you?" Albel snickered

"You didn't know either you hypocrite!" Nel glared at him

"How do you know?"

"Because you didn't say anything you moron!"

"Oh yeah…"

"Uh…well I'm going to go…" Fayt backed out of the room in fear

"Well…to answer your question…nope my hair just happens to be colored like this," Nel finally answered the question

"Could've fooled me," Albel said slyly. Nel glared at him and started to pull out a dagger

"Whoa…next caller, A Random Little Person!" Albel said hastily to avoid a swift painful death

"Ok…Albel we've all (or most of us) have accepted the fact that your skirt or kilt is fine to wear if you're a guy,"

"Finally! Maybe the rest of the maggots will leave me alone about it," Albel exclaimed

"But…how do you explain the purple thigh-high boots?" the question was finally finished

"DAMN IT WHY WON'T PEOPLE LEAVE MY OUTFIT ALONE!" Albel yelled

"Because…it make you look like a woman?" Nel suggested

"Oh and you should talk Mrs. Skimpy Clothes?" Albel retorted

"The keyword there Nox, is Mrs."

"God one of these days I'll kill you people, every last one of you," he muttered

"You haven't answered the question,"

"Fine you know what I wear the stupid boots because it was my father's wishes"

"Really?" Nel whispered

"No of course not," Albel said quietly

"…it was your father's wishes that you dress like a lady?" The voice said on the phone

"…damn you…" Albel pressed disconnect on the phone, leaving A Random Little Person on the other end…laughing up a storm at the fact that Albel had just been tweaked…a lot…

"Err…next caller, Deathblade Prime!" Nel said

"Three questions for you guys today, First off, Nel, would you like someone to 'take care' of your co-host?"

"…Why do you hate me?" Albel asked

"Because I do,"

Nel sighed as Albel's face flushed red with anger, "um…no that's ok I think I can handle him,"

"Ok then, Next Albel, do you have a secret relationship with Cliff?"

"Not anymore he doesn't" Nel snickered at the image of Cliff depending on a short thin piece of rope for survival,

"…I'm not gay!" Albel yelled

"Oh…so you're a lesbian?" Deathblade asked

"NO! I don't care what people have seen I'm not a homosexual in anyway!"

"Sure…" Deathblade sounded sarcastic, "And lastly, Nel, What enchantments would you like on your brand new pair of daggers?"

"…hm…" Nel sounded thoughtful

"O.o, you're giving her new weapons! As if the ones she's already got aren't dangerous," Albel said sarcastically

"Yeah Skirt-boy wonder I'm giving her new weapons," Deathblade turned attention back to Nel who was still deep in thought

"How about blades that can send beams of lightning out of them?" she finally answered

"NO!" Albel looked scared

"Great, I'll send them to you when they're ready," and the phone disconnected

"Oh no…" Albel said weakly

"Heh…this'll be fun…" Nel grinned evilly, and then resumed her post on the radio, "lil creator you're on the air!"

'Hi ya! Albel if you saw a comet, what wish would you make?" she asked

"That's easy, to get off this show before Nel kills me," he replied

"Thanks a lot," Nel muttered

"And, Nel, if you're father started trying to find you a suitor…"

"Her father is dead fool," Albel interrupted

"Duh…this is hypothetical!" lil creator responded

"Just get on with the question, it sounds interesting," Nel broke them up,

"Anyway and you happened to let Clair read your diary,"

"It's a journal actually, Albel has a diary,"

"I WANT IT BACK!"

"Whatever! And then Clair made him read your journal, and he picks Albel would you marry him or kill your father?" she finally finished the question

"Is it for the duty of her country?" Albel mocked her

"Shut it Nox," Nel seemed to be thinking the question over

"Well?" lil seemed to be prompting her

"I suppose being married to Albel wouldn't be so bad,"

"Yes?"

"But then again I don't like being told what to do…"

"Yeah?"

"So I guess that I would marry him,"

"WHAT!" Albel sounded shocked

"Hey it does say that I like you in my journal…so it wouldn't be so bad," Nel said logically

"HA! Nel's got a crush!" giggling the caller hung up

"…" Albel looked pale, the phone rang again

"Last caller! Mr. F you're on the air!

"Yeah, Nel I was wondering what gives you the right to hang people over moats?"

"Oh crap…" Nel murmured

"Hey is this Cliff?" Albel asked

"Duh…Mr. F? As in Fittr? Ring a bell?" The voice sounded angry…and wet…

"Nel you are so busted!" Albel started laughing

"Oh god…" Nel ran out of the studio. Suddenly Cliff barged in, a piece of seaweed dangling from his head and a look of fury on his face,

"Where is she?" He glared at Albel

"Oh…uh you just missed her…"

"Then I'll vent my anger out on you!" Cliff started drawing his fist back for a right hook

"Hey Cliff I think I see her out that window!" Albel pointed wildly to save his own life

"Where?" Suddenly Cliff was hurled out the window by a mysterious force. Standing at the door was Nel

"Jeez…took you long enough" Albel muttered

"Yeah well I had to come up with a plan!" Nel answered

"AHHH!" Cliff hit the ground with a thud

"You ok Cliff?"

"Who's Cliff?" came the dazed reply of someone with amnesia

"Perfect," Nel grinned

**(A/N: I love Evil Nel! So yeah keep sending questions and I'll get back to them ASAP…HYPER! _–Bob: she just jumped into an ice cold lake in 20 temperature zone...- _and I'd do it again too! MUWHAHAH!)**


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter Six: Spy Mode

**(A/N: HOLY COW I GOT A LOT OF REVIEWS! O.o wow thanks all of you! This probably will be a very long chapter…but seeing how I have nothing to do I'm going to write! Now I'll leave you with a few words **_–cough- _

**Dirait-On **

_**Bob: O.o **-sweatdrop-_

**Heh…sorry…I've been singing choir songs all day…its French! **

_**Bob: I'm going to kill that choir director… **_

**NO! You can't kill Koz! **

_**Bob: sure I can just watch me!**_

**Why would you anyway?**

**_Bob: Because he's the idiot who took you guys to Carnegie Hall and told you that you can sing!_**

**Kill him and I'll start singing Dirait-On some more…and it's all about love and roses and stuff (I think…)**

_**Bob: NOOO! . **_

**Yeah that's right! **_–Turns back to a bewildered audience-_** Uh…I can explain…actually no I can't! But anyway hope you like this chapter! **_–Starts singing-_** If we listen to each others hearts…**

_**Bob: …you really need to stop listening to soundtracks**_

**NEVER!)**

_**Disclaimer: **_

_**Albel: great more responsibilities…**_

_**Nel: But doesn't it feel good to do good for your country?**_

_**Albel: Bah…I suppose it is better then them making me marry you**_

_**Nel: ……-slaps him-**_

_**Albel: OW!**_

_**Nel: Moron…**_

"Welcome back to another exciting edition of Elicoorian radio!" Nel said over the microphone

"Um…why is this worm here?" Albel asked poking the sleeping form of Cliff

"…uh…he's kinda a danger to himself and everyone else around him…" Nel answered

"Who am i?" Cliff asked in a dreamy voice

Nel gave Albel an 'I told you so' look, "Your name is CLIFF" She said in calm babying voice

"Oh…" Cliff fell asleep again

"Caller number one, foxychangirl we're ready for questions!" Nel sat back ready to answer the questions of the many, MANY callers

"Depends who you're talking to," Albel muttered

"Ok my first question, did you two do anything on the Diplo? I remember that you two actually SHARED a room," she noted

"WHAT?" Albel exclaimed

"Um…no…he kept threatening to kill me though…" Nel remembered

"You short-sheeted my bed you maggot!" Albel justified his rage

"It was funny!" she protested

"…ooookkkk…next question, How old is that journal of yours Nel?" foxychangirl asked her second question

"Why?" Nel asked suspiciously

"Well it just seems like something a third grader would do, I mean doodling a boy's name over the cover…kinda immature

Nel blushed, "err…from 5th grade…" she trailed off

"Moron," Albel laughed

"Don't laugh yet Nox I have a question for you too,"

"Damn…"

"Why is it that in the manga you wear a scarf but in the game you don't wear one? Isn't it cold?"

"Bah…I never get cold," Albel proclaimed

"Really? Even though you're wearing a thong?"

"Right…wait who ever said I wear a thong!"

"Uh…lots of people?"

"I'll kill them all," He muttered

"Also is it true that you, Nel have tried to see his thong?"

"Eww…that's kinda creepy…in a stalker kind of way," Nel shuddered

"Next caller, Blue Persuasion, your on the air," Albel grumbled

"Hi again! Just one question for Albel, How did the whole ordeal with the toaster go?"

"I've told you maggots never to mention that again!" Albel exclaimed

"Heh…that was a great wedding reception," Nel reminisced, "do you still have some of that wedding cake?"

"Stop it now!" Albel was starting to get mad

"So…was it love at first sight, or just a fascination with shiny things?" Blue asked

"Damn it! It was all Peppita's fault in the first place!"

"…you haven't answered the question"

"I can answer for him!" Cliff had awoken again

"You…you actually remember something?"

"Pickles!" Nel sighed

"What does that have to do with anything?" she asked

"Albel DID have a fascination with shiny things, so when he said he loved the toaster, Peppita made him marry it," Cliff ignored Nel and told the story; he then proceeded to fall back asleep

"…Uh…well there you have it! The story of Albel and his lost love for the toaster!" Nel exclaimed

"Wait…"

"Next caller, lil-creator," Nel overlooked Albel's comment and turned her attention to the next caller

"Albel! If a whale was about to eat your future wife (cough) Nel (cough) would you kill it or just let her drown?"

"What kinda idiotic question is that?" Albel wondered

"A hypothetical question that you probably should answer you dolt," Nel answered

"Whatever…I suppose I'd save her" Albel answered the caller

"So…are you gonna stop wearing your skirt?" lil asked

"WHAT! #$$" Albel swore

"Jeezum language Nox!"

"IT'S NOT A SKIRT!"

"Wow…have a hissy fit!" lil murmured

"…why won't people ever stop teasing me about that?" Albel muttered

"Anyway my last question is for Nel, What if marrying Albel was a duty, would you marry him then?"

"…I guess…curse my loyalty to my country" Nel cursed the unfairness of the world

"Worm…that's why I don't bother with petty things like that," Albel observed

"Shut it you skirt wearing braid boy,"

"THAT'S IT!"

"Caller, Deathblade Prime,"

"Hey, since its summer in Aquaria, what kind of swimsuits would you two be wearing?"

"…God these questions get more pointless by the call," Albel mumbled. Nel glared at him (being the nice person she is to the people…) and promptly whacked him on the back of the head, "OW!"

"Serves you right," Deathblade snickered

"Anyway…err…I think I'd be wearing a red two piece," Nel guessed out of the blue **(A/N: Ha, ha! Red, blue, Get it? …ok never mind…)**

"What about you Sarong Boy?" Deathblade asked

"…" Albel was silent, until Nel threatened him with a dagger, "Uh…swim trunks…?"

"What color?"

"……purple," He grumbled

"O.o" Nel gave her partner a funny look

"Ok…Multiple choice time! Out of these choices, what would you do on the beach?

A. Work on a tan

B. Scuba Dive and pretend to be a shark in order to scare away swimmers

C. Learn how to surf

D. Make sand castles"

"That's easy, learn how to surf and become king of the beach!" Albel exclaimed

"Always thinking of others aren't you," Nel said sarcastically

"Ha, ha very funny, what's your answer?" Albel muttered

"Pretend to be a shark duh, that way I can attack you and throw you onto the beach so you won't die," Nel answered

"Why would I die?

"Because your absorbent head is big enough already; adding anything more would cause it to burst!" Nel started laughing

"…Wretch…"

"Plot Hole Of No Return, you're on the air," Nel finished her maniacal laughter and put on the next caller

"Yeah, Albel,"

"Damn it why are these questions for me?" Albel muttered

"Because you're just so lovable," Nel answered in a sweet voice

"O.o"

"Ok…Well, Albel, Do you have an arm under your claw, or does the claw move by itself? Which would be weird because your countries technology is really weak," the caller seemed to be thinking about the question

"It's a movable claw…attached to my arm…" Albel had a funny look on his face

"You know she's right though…how did you get a mechanical arm if we don't even have the technology?" Nel asked

"…the Invention King gave it to me…" Suddenly the arm started spewing sparks all over the place and his claw rocketed out of the room, hovered in the sky then flew back to its owner,

"…O.o" Nel looked at the arm and then at Albel

"What?"

She sighed, "Anything else?"

"Yeah a question for both of you, why don't you guys just get married already? You'd make such a cute couple and the kids would be adorable!"

"…Because we won't?" Albel glared

"But…shouldn't you not have a problem with it? I mean you did say you aren't gay," Albel paled and Nel started giggling

"God damn it," He hung up the phone, "and you can just quit laughing maggot!" he glared at Nel who was rolling on the floor laughing

"Next…Next caller," she said breathlessly

"I'm back!" The caller exclaimed

"Aleu! How can we help you?" Nel asked

"Besides by throwing you out the window," Albel muttered

"Nel how many times have you beaten up Cliff?" Aleu ignored Albel

"Uh…only once…and I think it was enough…" Nel gestured to Cliff, who was awake and giggling to himself,

"Ok, So um…hi Albel…"

"…What?"

"Can I have some of your hair? PLEASE?"

"NO!"

"How about your left shoe?"

"Don't you mean left, purple, boot?" Nel asked

"Sure,"

"QUIT MAKING FUN OF MY CLOTHES! And you are not getting any of my stuff!"

"Darn…well see you guys later!" Aleu hung up

"Caller…Uh…kinda lost track…but Psychodog you're up next!"

"What's the meaning of life?" she asked

"What?" Albel sounded shocked

"Err…never mind…I have some dares for you though Albel,"

"Oh Lord," He muttered

"Wow a special! We go live to the scene of the challenges for Albel," Nel exclaimed. She snapped her fingers and suddenly Albel and she were standing in an arena.

"How did you do that?" Albel stared in wonder

"Ladies and Gentlemen! Welcome! We have 6 different challenges for the buffoon here!"

"HEY!"

"First off: Beat up Fayt!"

"What?" Fayt had just randomly appeared and looked confused

"Die Blue-Boy!"

"AHHH!"

A few moments later Fayt was twitching on the ground And Albel was proclaimed the winner,

"Next Challenge: Dance with a chicken!"

"What are these callers' problems?" Albel wondered as he began slow-dancing with the poultry. Although he looked like he'd rather be elsewhere (and despite the fact that when the song ended, he power spiked the chicken…) he did finish the dare

"Onward! Jump rope with Peppita!"

"…" Albel started jumping rope with the annoying little girl

"Hee hee…you fell!" Peppita giggled as Albel untangled himself from the rope

"What's next?" He prayed it wasn't horrible

"Tap dance with the tap dancing master: Adray!"

"But NO ONE can beat Adray!" He whined

"Stop being a baby and start dancing," Adray pulled him into the dance and soon Albel was dancing,

"Is that it?" Albel panted when it was over

"Two more challenges!"

"Oh my God," he murmured

"Go shopping with Sophia!"

"Oh no…" he groaned as Sophia skipped into the arena and pulled him out the door. A few hours later he returned carrying a purple hat that matched his skir-SARONG.

"What?" he got some funny looks

"And last but no least, Take a Runeology lesson with Lasselle,"

"What? NOOO!" Albel dropped to his knees. Runeology was soooo boring and he couldn't take sitting in the same room with the equally girly Lasselle.

"So…you give up?" Nel asked

"I can't take it!" Albel curled up into the fetal position

"Ok! Psychodog you win!"

Somewhere far away Psychodog was grinning because she just made Albel the Wicked cry like a girl.

"And we're back!" Nel snapped her fingers and they were both back in the studio.

"You still haven't told me how you do that" Albel got a blank look.

"Crazy Authoresses CAT and AMS you're on the air,"

"Hey Albel, since people have been making fun of the way you look, how about I give you a make over?" CAT asked

"Uh…how about no?" Albel glared

"Aww come on! I'll make you look cute…I mean manly! Manly! PENGUINS!" CAT yelled

"AYAHHHH!" Albel jumped out the window

Nel sighed, "I do hope you don't have another question for Albel,"

"Well…you can answer this one, what would you name two penguin chicks?"

"Why do you have penguins?" Nel asked suspiciously

"They're the start of my penguin army…" CAT said incoherently, "My zoo is having a contest!"

"Um…ooookkkk…." Nel didn't seem convinced

"I've got some names! How about Al and El?" Cliff had randomly popped into the conversation

"Err…thanks anyway Cliff," she said as Cliff fell into a forgetful sleep (again) speaking of which, do you know anything about the CliffxMirage pairing?" CAT gave a sneaky look

"Cliff…Cliff…WAKE UP YOU BUFFOON!" Nel poked the giant Klausian

"Wha…?" Cliff had a big dopey look on his face

"Before you got amnesia, do you remember anything about a girl named Mirage?" Nel asked

"She was purty…" Cliff mumbled and passed out again

"What's going on?" Albel had finally rejoined the party and looked at Cliff (who was snoring) and Nel (who was talking to the caller)

"Albel! If you had a choice between marrying a toaster, or having Peppita torture you what would you choose?"

"Well…uh..."

"Heh you gave him a Hobson's Choice!" Nel grinned

"Maggot," He glared at Nel, "Is the torment forever or just a short time?"

"Uh…forever,"

"I'll take the toaster," he muttered

"Hey you lovebirds!" another voice called out over the phone

"Adray?" Nel asked

"That's right! Albel you really want to marry Clair don't you? Of course you do! And Nel how about you? I'm sure that since the Apris is ok with polygamy he will approve of-"suddenly a smashing noise was heard. It seemed like CAT was bashing Adray over the head with the phone.

"Sorry about that, I've uh…gotta go…" a groan was heard in the background as the phone disconnected

"Uh…ok then…Epiclesis you're next,"

"Ok, if Albel was a bunny what would he look like?"

"Well…I'd have fangs…sharp blood drinking fangs…and claws…razor sharp claws…" Albel was thoughtful

"What about you Nel?"

"You mean I actually get a say in this?"

"Sure!"

"Ok…uh…he'd be purple and fuzzy…with a skirt!" Nel exclaimed

"Damn you woman!" Albel yelled

"Bring it on fluffy bunny boy!"

"Um…I have some more questions,"

"Oh…sorry,"

"Albel…have you ever considered anger management or reading about it?"

"…Already been…" Albel shuddered

"Woltar made you huh?" Nel asked

"………"

"Ooookkkk…Nel, how do manage to put up with Albel and his 'moods'?"

"I do not have MOODS!"

"Mostly I just ignore the little girl," Nel answered the question and waited…

"I'LL KILL YOU!"

"Bingo," Nel laughed

"Next caller…" Albel grumbled

"Hello again," the caller was Sorceress Myst, "Albel if you aren't a skirt wearing psycho, then why do you let Nel push you around? Shouldn't she be respecting YOU?"

"Yes she should…but I'm afraid of those stupid daggers she's got…she's got two and I've only got my stupid katana to fight back with,"

"Don't you have your claw?"

"………oh just shut up………"

"Heh…you outsmarted Albel! You get a special, 'I annoyed the Wicked' Pin and a cookie that I wouldn't recommend eating because Albel made it," Nel exclaimed grinning

"Yay! Ok next question is very VERY important Nel; I visited Aquios recently and accidentally left my 'Male Mind Control' device in the castle. Could you please get it for me?"

"Sure…" Nel grinned evilly and held up the shiny helmet that she happened to find lying around the castle

"Oh crap," Albel stared fearful at Nel who was cackling evilly as she hid the device.

"I'll use it later…" Nel smiled

"Uh…next caller A Random Little Person," Albel stuttered

"Just another question about the outfit, why in the hell did you choose purple?" Random asked

"WHY WON'T YOU GUYS QUIT ASKING ABOUT MY GODDAMN OUTFIT?" Albel was really starting to get annoyed…

"Because it's a stupid outfit," they explained

"He chose purple because the store was out of pink," Nel snickered

"Damn you woman!" Albel finally snapped and threw Nel out of the window

"Holy cow you just took out Nel!"

"Yeah that's right…"

"Well I got some more questions for you anyway,"

"Crap"

"Why do you act like you have PMS?"

"I don't…I'm just surrounded by turkeys most of the time and it bugs the hell out of me,"

"TURKEYS! Gobble, Gobble!" Cliff woke up aimlessly again

"Shut it maggot!"

"Ok…is it true that you wear lacy dresses with lots of ruffles?"

"Uh…no"

"And my last question, why do you say that you're not gay when you wear girly ribbons in your hair?"

Albel's eye twitched "I don't want my hair getting messed up,"

"And I'm glad that you have those braids too," a familiar voice spoke up. It was Nel and she was standing in the door smiling evilly.

"What the heck did you do?" he asked suspiciously,

"Remember one of those things that Maria called, a 'car'?"

"Yeah…"

"Your braids are tied to one right now…" Sure enough the sound of an engine was heard and Albel was jerked out the window

"I'll kill you!" his screams were heard over the country

"Well that was entertaining," A Random Little Person was still on the line and ready to ask Nel some questions

"Fire away,"

"First of all, is it true you once gave Albel a private guided tour of the castle?"

"…Only when he came with Fayt and the rest of them"

"Next, you're the leader of the Secret Legion correct?"

"Yeah"

"So why the hell are you only a level 3 when we meet you?"

"………Because the Secret Legion is a group of spies and we try to stay out of fights,"

"And lastly, is it true that you wear a scarf to hide the hickeys that Albel gives you?"

"Hell no I wear one because the idiots over in Airyglyph don't know how to operate a goddamn heater and I spend most of my spy time there," Nel explained

"Ok thanks for answering the questions…" the caller hung up

"Hmm……I wonder where Albel went."

"I'm right here maggot," Albel snarled from the doorway. He looked like…a victim of road rage…

"Ouch…" Nel grimaced

"I will destroy you one of these days ninja worm" he muttered

"Last caller, LuvVincent!"

"Just one question for Albel," LuvVincent said

"…Does it have anything to do with my outfit?" Albel said suspiciously

"Nope,"

"How about the color?"

"Nope"

"Or anything about my hair?"

"Nope!"

"Ok what's the question?"

"Why are you a selfish, self-obsessed git?" she giggled when she heard the frenzied swearing on the other end

"#$! $! $# I AM NOT JUST BECAUSE THE REST OF THE WORLD HATES ME DOESN'T MEAN I'M A GIT!" Albel yelled

"Wow…that's the second time he's had a major freak out…congrats!" Nel grinned

"Do I get a prize or something?"

"Hmm…You get…a special 'I made Albel swear' coffee mug"

"Sweet!"

"Well that's all the time we have for today people! Please, we're happy to receive any questions so call in soon!"

"Says you…I hate 'em all" Albel grumbled

"Do you want to say 'bye-bye' Cliffy?" Nel asked the blond man who had a clueless look in his eyes. He nodded and waved like a little child

"Bye peoples!" he grinned

**(A/N: ok…that took forever to write…but it was sure fun! all you people who reviewed get a special 'I love Elicoorian Radio' T-shirt, and a fresh baked cookie from Albel (_CAUTION: may cause intestinal bleeding_) so I hope you keep reviewing and I'll leave you with a few words Abandon d'abandon tendress touchant aux tendresses (not sure if i spelt all those words right...) Keep reviewing! Du Narisses exaunce…)**


	7. Chapter 7

Chapter Seven: Romance? Maybe…

**(A/N: …I was looking at reviews and realized I forgot someone's question! Sorry about that…they're in this chapter though…so don't kill me! well um…I hope you like this chapter and it should be interesting because I'm sleep deprived…a bit… oookkkk… anyway sorry this is late…I started track last week and OWWWWW! Sooo much pain…(I pulled a muscle and I'm a hurdler…and they're making me into a distance runner…and I'm a sprinter…and I ran 6 miles…cause they made me…OW…and two more today) so yeah sorry about the lateness…um…yeah…(i just posted this today because fanfiction wouldn't let me update! grr...)**

_**Disclaimer:**_

_**Albel: Great…we have to do this thing again…**_

_**Nel: …**_

_**Albel: I told you this was a waste of time fool**_

_**Kikeri Ki: HEY! No changing the subject Albel!**_

_**Nel: besides that's your line in the game you moron**_

_**Albel: …**_

"So when do you plan to return the moron?" Albel asked as Cliff started mumbling to himself

"As soon as he gets some memory back…" Nel replied

"…You should NOT have pushed him out of that window"

"Well he was going to attack you!"

"True…but still"

"Caller number one, lonewarrior666," Nel changed the subject quickly

"Yeah Albel, Why did you pick a sissy girl top for your outfit?" Lonewarrior asked

Albel's eye began twitching, "Because it goes with the sarong,"

"Well ok…but why did you choose purple for a color? Why not something more manly like green or black,"

Nel giggled as Albel began twitching even more, "Because I don't like green or black," he finally answered

"Then why not something more girly like pink?"

"BECAUSE I WON'T WEAR PINK!" Albel finally snapped

"I can answer that question about pink…the store ran out!" Nel laughed

"Damn it!" Albel picked up his katana

"Drop it skirt-boy," Nel warned

"Next caller" Albel said dejectedly

"Hey It's me again!" a familiar voice was heard

"Oh god it's Aleu again…" Albel muttered

"So what's up?" Nel asked

"Well this question is for you…"

"YES! Finally! No more being tormented!" Albel exclaimed

Nel gave him a funny look, "Ok so what is it?"

"What in the hell did you do to Cliff?" Aleu asked

"Uh…funny story…"

"He was coming after me and she pushed him out the freakin' window," Albel explained in Nel's silence.

"ALBEL!" Nel yelled

"What? It's the truth!"

"But now they'll think that I'm a bad guy!"

"Heh…actually that's kinda funny" Aleu laughed

"So…anything else?" Nel asked

"Yeah I've got a couple dares for you guys…"

"Oh Lord…" Albel moaned

"Ok!" Nel snapped her fingers and again they were standing in the arena of the last chapter,

"How the hell do you do that?" Albel exclaimed

"…anyway what's the dare?" Nel asked

"First I want you guys to dance the tango," Aleu said evilly

"O.o" Nel and Albel looked at each other funny

"Oh come on!"

"…fine…" and the two began dancing…awkwardly

"Hee…this is funny," Aleu was laughing away somewhere in the cosmos

"Anything else?" Albel asked in a strangled voice

"Yeah I dare you guys to make out for two minutes!"

"O.O"

"Yeah that's right I went there," Aleu cackled evilly

"…uh…" Albel looked fearfully at Nel who eyed him warily

"…ok…uh…this is VERY awkward…" Nel said carefully

"I'd say…maggots these days…" Albel murmured

"We did find out that we both have feelings for each other…"

"Yeah……I guess"

"But we did say that we weren't going to date…"

"Uh-huh…"

"So what do we do?" Suddenly Nel felt his lips on hers, and they stayed locked together for two whole minutes before breaking apart breathlessly.

"HA! That was awesome!" Aleu giggled

"…What the hell was that?" Nel asked shocked

"Bah worm…I can't stand losing a dare," Albel muttered

"Uh………" Nel, still shocked, snapped her fingers and they appeared back in the studio.

"Ha you guys made out!" Cliff laughed as they zapped into the room

"…so you're finally back to normal?" Nel asked

"You bet! The shock of you two kissing will smack you right out of amnesia!" Cliff explained

"Uh…" Nel pushed the laughing blond Klausian out the door and down three flights of stairs.

"Violent today aren't we?" Albel asked

"…Next caller…" she murmured

"Hey, this is Epiclesis, and I just saw Albel in comic when he was 15. You were wearing pants…what made you go girly?"

"…I like my look…" he growled

"Whatever girly man, but here," Suddenly a book appeared out of nowhere, titled, Insults for Idiots. Albel stared at it, as Nel began snickering

"What's this for maggot?" he asked

"You need some new insults, yours are freakin' lame!"

"Bah…"

"See!"

"……"  
"and my last question," By this time Nel was on the floor laughing her head off, "Did people mistake you for a cross-dresser when you were little?"

Albel's eye was twitching madly again, "No…people treated me with respect,"

"Unlike here," Nel giggled. Albel glared at her

"Next caller" he grumbled

"Anarchy Sky you're on the air," Nel sang

Albel gave her a queer look, "What is your problem?"

"Oh just the fact that you get annoyed so easily is very amusing!" she laughed

"Hey you guys…Uh Albel, if you're so strong and tough then why do you always end up as the beating stick? Or more specifically Nel's beating stick?" Anarchy Sky asked

Albel's eye twitched, "Because Nel is a freakin' battle mode lady…she'll kill me!"

"But…don't you have a katana?"

"…"

"Heh…he never thinks about his katana at the times that I threaten him," Nel laughed

"Yeah that's right keep laughing…" Albel muttered evilly, pulling out his katana

"KI-YAH!" Nel yelled and out of nowhere she kicked his sword out the window

"Where the hell did that come from?" Albel screamed

"……" Nel glared at him

"Well…you guys just answered my next question…Nel apparently does have ninja skills…" Anarchy Sky murmured

"Oh crap…" Albel muttered

"Anyway…Albel…when you were growing up were you the effeminate male friend of all the girls?" Anarchy asked

"…no…" Albel said hastily

"Yeah you were! I remember!" Nel reprimanded him

"You were NOT supposed to tell!" Albel groaned

"…So you were…did you wear pink ribbons in your hair?" Anarchy asked the last part of the question

"NO!"

"Uh yeah you did…" Nel reminded him

"Shut up woman!"

"I have a really great story about his pink ribbons too…" Nel started

"Any more questions?" Albel interrupted her

"Yeah, Nel do you have sweet guitar skills?"

"Um…what's a guitar?" Nel asked

Suddenly Fayt ran into the room and threw Nel a guitar, "Remember Nel I gave this thing to you and you just started playing!" Fayt yelled

"…This is a guitar?" Nel looked confused

"Sweet is she any good?" Anarchy asked Fayt, he nodded

"Yeah she started playing 'Stairway to Heaven' the first time…I'm not sure how…" Fayt scratched his head

Nel sighed and began playing the song. Eight minutes later she was done and she handed the instrument back to the blue haired boy.

"Any thing else?" she asked

"Nope,"

"Ok then maggots…who's next?" Albel asked and then groaned as he looked at the caller ID,

"Blue Persuasion you're on the air!" Nel said

"Um…Albel do you remember this picture?" Blue faxed a picture of Albel a young boy…dressed in his purple skirt and 'normal' clothing…but with pink ribbons in his hair. Albel blushed furiously

"Where-did-you-get-that?" he asked through clenched teeth

"Oh they're floating all over the internet!" Blue laughed

"Hmmm….i remember that day…" Nel started to go into a flashback

_FLASHBACK!_

_A young Nel Zelpher is playing in a sand box at the Kirlsa playground. Suddenly a young boy in a purple skirt and crop top, and his braided hair bound in pink ribbons walks up to her._

_"Hi!" he squealed_

_Nel looked over the boy with a weird look, "Uh…hi?"_

_The young Albel laughed gleefully and started playing in the sand_

_"Uh…are you a girl?" Nel asked unsure_

_"Mr. Zelpher says I am…but my daddy got mad and said I was a boy" Albel answered_

_"Uh-huh…why do you have pink ribbons in your hair?" Nel asked curious_

_"I like pink!" Albel giggled_

_"…O.o…so why isn't your skirt pink?"_

_"Because I like purple too!" Nel rolled her eyes_

_"So what's your name?" Albel asked_

_"Nel Zelpher,"_

_"Oh…my daddy said not to play with Zelpher's…"_

_"Whatever," Nel went back to playing in the sand_

_"But I don't care what my dad says I'll still play with you!" Albel grinned_

_"Whatever floats your boat kid," Nel said_

_"Do you want to go pick some flowers?" Albel asked_

_"No,"_

_"Well do you want me to braid your hair?"_

_"No" _

_"What are you doing?" _

_"Playing in the sand…will you leave me alone?"_

_"Sure!" Albel was quiet for a few moments, "Do you like ponies?"_

_"Shut up will ya!" Nel stood up and pushed Albel down into the sand and left._

_"Oh…nice to meet you!" Albel giggled_

_Meanwhile the two kid's fathers were standing nearby. Glou looked mad and Nevelle was laughing his head off._

_"Glou I told you your kid was a pansy!" Nevelle laughed_

_"…Shut up and go back to Aquaria, Zelpher," Glou muttered and then pulled Albel out of the sand and dragged him down the street._

_END OF FLASHBACK!_

"…That was a bad day…" Albel muttered

"It was real easy beating you up too…" Nel laughed

"Anymore questions?" Albel tried to change the subject

"Sure pretty pony Albel! I've a question for Cliff, How could you forget Mirage?" Blue asked

"Just a moment" Nel walked down the stairs and brought up a dazed Cliff,

"Um…I forgot her because someone," Cliff glared at Nel who looked innocently at him, "Gave me amnesia!"

"Ok! Nice talking to you Cliff!" And Nel promptly pushed him back down the stairs

"Sorceress Myst you're on the air," Albel said

"Hey this question is for Nel but I must talk to her in secret," Sorceress Myst said. Shrugging Nel picked up the phone and walked out of the room to hear the secret message. When she came back she was grinning

"What are you going to do to me?" Albel asked warily

"Oh…nothing…hey is that Shelby falling out a window?" Nel pointed out the window

"Where?" Albel looked eagerly out the window. Suddenly there was a thud and Albel was a victim of the Male Mind Control Device of the previous chapter

"Sweet! It works!" Nel grinned as she pressed a button on the remote control and Albel started doing back flips.

"Well we know he's not gay because that helmet only works on straight people…now you should think of something funny and humiliating for him to do,"

"Well I don't know if this is humiliating or not…but…" Nel grinned evilly and suddenly Albel ran out of the room. He came back holding the king of Airyglyph

"Hey what's the meaning of this Albel?" The king sounded shocked. Albel said nothing and quickly pulled the king's robe over his head, stole his crown and yelled "I'm king of the cheese ball!" and then swiftly jumped out the window…pulling the king with him.

"Wow…that was…interesting," Sorceress Myst said

Nel was laughing her head off, "God he is never going to live that down!" she held up the mind control helmet (which she snuck off his head as he fell out the window,) and hid it before the door opened. Albel looked furious as he sat down.

"Any thing else," he grimaced

"Yeah Nel, give Albel a kiss on the lips!"

"WHAT?"

"You heard me; it should be easy for you two."

"…" Nel made a face but kissed Albel. After a few seconds they pulled apart, blushing.

"Jeez Zelpher I didn't know you felt that way!" Albel grinned wickedly

"Shut up you kissed me too," Nel said, and Albel shut up

"So…Albel…did you enjoy that kiss?" Sorceress Myst asked

"…Maybe…" Albel said blushing

"Aww! You two are so cute!" the caller said

"Yeah…anyway…next caller," Nel blushed red

"Hey this is lil creator again and I'm just wondering if you will actually marry Albel and have kids with him," lil creator said

"Um…" Nel glanced around, "Well at the rate things are going then probably yes," she blushed

"Well what are the kids' names going to be? And you can't choose, Nevelle, Glou, Clair and Mirage," lil asked

"Um…" Nel started not knowing what the answer would be

"Damon Crosell, Albel of course," Albel said mockingly, reminding her of Chapter 2

"Ha, ha very funny," Nel said sarcastically, "seriously I think I would name them after my friends…but who knows,"

"Ok then…well Albel, I heard that Target is having a sale on pink skirts…I mean sarongs…" lil said

"Really?" Albel looked pensive (A/N: ha! I learned what pensive means…I love that word…)

"You cannot leave this show to buy skirts you moron," Nel warned him pulling out a dagger

"…Fine I'll wait until after…"

Nel gave him a funny look, "Uh…Next caller, looking to be someones pet,"

"Yeah, well my first question, Nel when are you and Clair going to come out of the closet? It's obvious you two love each other!"

"Uh…we're just friends…" Nel said weirdly

"Surrreee…Albel, can I be your pet?"

"What?" Albel looked confused

"You pet! Please?" they begged

"Uh…no?"

"Fine…" a sighing sound was heard, "well then my last question, Albel why do you have a claw instead of a fake arm?"

"…I like my claw…" Albel said

"No he just likes to feel big and strong so he has to have a claw," Nel said mockingly

"Damn you wetch!"

"Next caller, shinigami 656," Nel said giggling

"Ok then, Albel why are there lots of pictures of you making out with Nel on the internet?" shinigami asked

"…how come I don't know about these things?" Albel said angstly

"Because you suck at computers," Nel explained

"Do not!"

"Do so; do you even know what a URL is?" Nel challenged him

"Yeah! Unusually Rotten Log!" Albel answered superiorly

"Oookkkk…you just keep telling yourself that," Nel said rolling her eyes

"Well there are loads of those pictures because a ton of people have too much time on their hands," Albel answered the question

"Ok, so is your hair originally black and blond?" shinigami asked another question

"Yeah…not sure why…" Albel became pensive again

"Because you have no idea how to use hair dye," Nel giggled

"…Damn it Zelpher must you always aggravate me?"

"Yep,"

"Next question, Nel, if Albel asked you to marry him, would you say yes?"

"at the rate things are going today probably yes," Nel said sighing

"Yeah I mean we've kissed at least twice today…" Albel said

"Speaking of which…I dare you guys to share a kiss!" shinigami grinned

"Lord…" but they both began kissing again

"Is everyone HAPPY now?" Albel asked

"Sure…well I gotta go, I love your outfit by the way," shinigami added as the phone went dead

"…someone loves my outfit!" Albel grinned happily (or happily for him anyway)

"Wow…one person out of 1000000," Nel said sarcastically

"………" Albel glared at her

"Deathblade Prime you're on the air!" Nel said laughing at Albel's frustration

"Albel…" Deathblade began but Albel interrupted him

"Is this going to involve me getting hated in some form?" Albel asked warily

"Unfortunately probably not," Deathblade answered

"Good…ask then,"

"Has anyone tried to glue an oven mitt to your claw?"

"…yes…Peppita has tried twice…"

"Heh…she needs better superglue" Nel laughed

"Anything else?" Albel growled, glaring at Nel  
"Yeah, what kind of hard liquor do you drink?" Deathblade asked

"Ye Olde Cyder," Albel answered promptly

"Wow you knew that right off the bat," Nel noted

"Yeah well I like the stuff," Albel defended himself

"Bet you could use a keg of that right now," Deathblade said

"You have no idea," Albel muttered

"So…have you two ever had the urge to beat Lasselle into a bloody pulp?"

"All the time," they both answered at the same time

"…jeez you guys must really hate him"

"He's annoying!" Nel exclaimed

"Ditto," Albel said

"Well I must leave, but before I forget…Nel, Tynave will…" suddenly there was a knock on the door, "well that must be her, never mind then," and the phone went dead

"Lady Nel! These arrived for you!" Tynave said and dropped a plain box onto the desk. Inside there was a silver dagger with runes on the blades that…

"Oh crap those things shoot lightning," Albel groaned

Nel grinned, "Oh this show will get very interesting soon…" and she put the dagger back into the box for safe keeping.

"Last caller, Albel The wicked one," Albel said and then stopped, "Hey that's my name!"

"…" Nel sighed as Albel started to rant, "Shut up skirt boy!"

"Albel…why are you so cute?" Albel the wicked one asked

Albel grinned, "Well it is a Nox family secret and I must tell no one!"

"Two words, Plastic Surgery," Nel answered rolling her eyes

"Ha, ha very funny," Albel muttered

"Do you have a brother?" the caller asked

"…no…I had only my parents," Albel said trying to get people to feel sorry for him

"And all those girls that tagged around you just because you were the only boy they could get to come to a slumber party," Nel reminded him

"Thanks a lot," Albel mumbled

"Well that's all the time we have for today. Tune in again to Elicoorian Radio!"

"But really please DON'T!" Albel added

"Lightning Blast!"

"AHHHHH!"

**(A/N: thanks for the reviews (to Blue Persuasion; I've never been called a comic genius before…weird yes…insane yes…stupid yes…but never a comic genius so thanks!) and I look forward to coming reviews. I might not update as soon as I usually do…but I will update I promise!)**


	8. Chapter 8

Chapter 8: We're off to the Station!

**(A/N: I'd just like to say…thank you! Oh my gosh…the ideas that came in for this chapter…-grins evilly- hehehe…well I hope you like this chapter because it features a few…interesting guests…. **

**Oookk…um…DON'T KILL ME! _–watches the angry reviewers fearfully-_ I know it's VERY late…as in VERY VERY late….ok then now that that' s out of my system…hope you enjoy the show!**

_**Disclaimer: **_

_**Nel: Yeah Kikeri Ki doesn't own Star Ocean 3…**_

_**Albel: Thank god...**_

_**Kikeri Ki: ….-glares and picks up keyboard-**_

_**Albel: What?**_

_**Nel: Albel…I suggest you run…now**_

_**Kikeri Ki: -presses random button on keyboard-**_

**_Albel: I'm a little girl! –Realizes that he's being controlled- oh crap_**

_**Nel: told ya **_

"Hello maggots of the world. I'm Albel Nox and the supreme ruler of this radio station which you know as Elicoorian Radio," Albel cackled, "Today we'll be starting off with…" he looked at the caller ID and groaned, "Blue Persuasion,"

"Hey, well me and a couple of other people have decided to take an 'educational' field trip down to your radio station…oh and where's Nel?"

"WHA…?" Albel said stunned

"Where's Nel? Jeez you're not too bright are you?" Blue shook her head at his stupidity

"No before that worm!"

"Oh…well some of my buddies and I decided to pay your establishment a visit…see you in a bit! And make sure the door is unlocked…or you'll face…consequences…" she hung up with a hint of evil laughter

"…oh no…" Albel muttered... but soon forgot about it "Next caller, randmneko."

"Albel how does it feel to know that you're not real?" randmneko asked

"What kind of idiotic maggot question is that?" Albel yelled

"Wow…kinda snippy today aren't we?"

"Bah…"

"You haven't answered my question,"

"…Fine…I was mad and confused"

"Why?"

"DAMN! Quit asking me questions!" Albel slammed down the phone. Suddenly there was a yell from below.

"ALBEL! You are supposed to be nice about this!" Fayt yelled, "And why the heck is this door locked?"

"And where is Nel?" Sophia added

Albel glared at them for a moment and then went back to answering questions, "ThrogmortenMimic, you're on the air,"

"Ok, if you hate Nel so much then why don't you just marry some other girl like oh I don't know –cough-Sophia-cough- wow sorry…bit of a cold" TM said

"…I don't love that worm Sophia…she's weak," Albel muttered

"Don't you just want to corrupt her innocence?"

"Bah that girl is not innocent as you might think…her and that quiet maggot Mirage have some attitude…." Albel said remembering

**(A/N: This idea came from The Crazy Authoresses CAT and AMS…so there…I'm putting it here…)**

_Flashback: April 1st _

_"I don't think this is a good idea Mirage…" Sophia whispered as the two tip-toed (HAHA! Tip-toed…) down the hall to Albel's room._

_"Don't worry…" Mirage answered, clutching her digital camera_

_"You are starting to sound more and more like Cliff everyday" Sophia rolled her eyes._

_"Be quiet! Now do you have the rope?"_

_"Yes ma'am"_

_"Ok…let's go" swiftly Mirage and Sophia, tied Albel's hands and feet, and dressed him in Nel's outfit. He didn't even move (having passed out from a night of binge drinking of Ye Olde Cyder) and so they left him. They're next objective was to repeat their previous actions on Nel…not an easy task. But Mirage was on a 'hunch' and had a plan…_

_"Uh…what are you guys doing in my room?" Nel asked as Sophia flipped on the lights._

_"Hey Nel, we were just wondering if you would like to try this drink that we invented," Mirage said smoothly_

_"Who made it?" Nel demanded_

_"Sophia of course! I can't cook to save my life," Mirage said sheepishly_

_"Ok then…Sophia can usually cook," with that Nel downed the drink. Another 5 seconds and she passed out._

_"Can usually cook?" Sophia said insulted_

_"Shut up and help will you?" Mirage snapped_

_"Where did you get that drink anyway?"_

_"I took it from one of Roger's failed inventions pile…"_

_"…are you sure it's not poisonous then?"_

_"Of course not!"_

_"You have no idea what's going to happen do you?"_

_"Not a clue…I do know that it'll put you to sleep!"_

_"Thank you Captain Obvious," Sophia rolled her eyes as they left the room._

_The Next Morning_

_"What in bloody hell?" Albel said groggily, as he tried to get out of bed and ended up falling on the floor_

_"Damn it!" Nel yelled from the other room as she too met the same fate. Both she and Albel managed to get up and hop into the hallway._

_"Oh my god why in the hell are you in my clothes wretch?" Albel said stunned_

_"I could say the same for you…you look like more of a cross-dresser than usual," Nel laughed_

_"Smile!" rang out some voices. It was, of course Mirage and Sophia, coming to inspect their handiwork. Grinning they snapped some digital pictures of the two dumbfounded radio hosts._

_"You've got five seconds to run maggots…I suggest you take that start," Albel said furiously as he managed to cut off his restraints _

_"Uh…" the two looked at Nel who also cut the ropes and was eyeing them in a cold way. She jerked her head upward as though agreeing with Albel. _

_"RUN!" Sophia screamed as they both tore out of the room. The two hosts nodded and took off after them…mismatched clothing and all._

_Back to the Station_

Now by this time ThrogmortenMimic was laughing so hard that they accidentally dropped the phone.

"Yeah laugh all you want you maggot," Albel muttered angrily

"Oh and by the way….i told her about the ENORMOUS crush you have on her, so have fun with that!" and they hung up

"WHAT?"

"Oh sweetie!" a sweet little voice rang out

"Oh crap," Albel muttered, resigning himself to his fate. The door was kicked open and a starry-eyed Sophia raced into the room, pulling Albel into a giant hug. And then came the questions

"Does this outfit make me look fat?"

"Do you love me? Really and truly?"

"Do stripes really make you look bigger than you are?"

"Why are you so insensitive?"

"Why is your face turning blue?"

"Am I fat?"

"WHY WON'T YOU ANSWER ME?" She finally screamed as Albel gasped for breath. Miffed she then proceeded to kick Albel in the shin and storm out the door.

"Women," he muttered, "thank God that's over, and our next caller is," he looked at the ID, "Neko Tamashi"

"When did you start wearing you're loin…I mean sarong?" they asked

"………" Albel sighed, "I was just a young lad at the time,"

"Lad? Cripes that's really weird!"

"Anything else?"

"Where'd you buy your outfit?"

"Airyglyph,"

"From what? Some transgender clothing merchant?"

"DAMN IT!" and Albel was about to slam down the phone when he was interrupted,

"Don't you dare Nox," came the quiet voice. Sure enough there was Nel, staring at the swordsman with a look of indifference. Albel was at a loss for words.

"How did…what….why…aduh?" Albel sputtered

"To answer your questions, one it IS possible to train a cat, two you just give a cat catnip and they'll do anything for you, three why? Because I live to see you get tormented and I wouldn't miss co-owning this show, and aduh? I don't have an answer for such a retarded question," Nel finished smugly

"….curses…." Albel muttered

"So what questions do you have left?" Nel asked

"Well I'm wondering what Albel thinks about the hundreds of Fayt/Albel pairings out there,"

"I don't like them…I'm not gay," Albel said

"You know I could respond very evilly to this remark but I don't think I will," Nel said with a smirk

"………"Albel glared at her

"So what do you think about them Nel?" Neko asked

"Well I know that Albel isn't gay (atleasthewon'tadmitit) but I think it's kinda funny…especially to see his reaction when he reads the things," Nel answered

"And my last question, Nel, have you ever considered growing your hair out longer?"

"No…it's easier to manage, and it doesn't get in my way when I'm kicking Albel's butt," Nel replied

"Ha, ha, ha, so funny today aren't we?" Albel said sarcastically as the conversation ended.

"By the way, when were those people coming?" Nel asked, changing the subject

"….crap…." Albel murmured, having forgot the danger that was coming towards him. He swiftly ran from the room and came back moments later with a smug look on his face, and swallowing a key.

"Doesn't that hurt?" Nel asked as she watched the piece of metal disappear,"

Albel choked and then winced, "maybe" he finally gasped

"…whatever," Nel rolled her eyes, "Deathblade Prime you're on the air,"

"Hello again. Well I've got some challenges for you guys." Deathblade said

"Alright!" Nel said buoyantly and snapping her fingers they landed in the arena once again.

"One of these days I'm going to find out how you do that…" Albel vowed

"Your first challenge, attend a heavy metal rock concert. Suddenly huge speakers, a stage, bright lights, and a band of guys with ripped up jeans and black shirts with random pictures of gore on them appeared in the stadium. Also came the sound of thousands of fans and the place was packed. After tuning up their instruments a bit, the band let loose with a raging torrent of sound

"Dang it…" Albel muttered as he was pulled into Mosh pit, and was tossed around like a seashell in a wave.

"Oh come on!" Nel screamed, "Enjoy this!" she too was now pulled into the Mosh pit.

About 30 minutes later everything was gone except Albel and Nel who were beaten and worn.

"Well that was a ton of fun!" Albel said sarcastically.

Nel glared at him, "anything else?"

"Yeah," suddenly two giant kegs of Ye Olde Cyder appeared, "a drinking contest. No stopping, spilling or regurgitation allowed. Last one standing wins," Deathblade chuckled

"All right!" Albel charged at one of the kegs, and started guzzling the alcohol. Within five minutes he passed out.

Nel shook her head, "moron," she calmly started sipping a mug.

_Two hours later…_

"Oww….my head," Albel groaned, the room fuzzy and spinning.

"Oh Albel I've got a special visitor for you!" Nel grinned

"I don't need company, I need aspirin," he moaned

"…you dolt aspirin hasn't even been invented yet!"

"Give that Louise lady some time she'll get it,"

"ALBEL!" another voice shrieked

"OW!" staring over him was a young girl. She had blond hair and in a way looked sorta like Albel… (**A/N: heh…not my character…she belongs to Blue Persuasion…if she can keep control over her lol)**

"A…A…A…Amanda!" Albel sputtered

The girl (whom we now know as Amanda) giggled, "That's right! I heard that my poor big brother was a sissy when it came to drinking…so I decided to drop out of summer school to take care of him!" Amanda gave him a giant hug

"Is that legal?" Nel wondered

"You're crushing me…." Albel gasped

"And I brought Cuddles!" Amanda held up the giant spider

"SPIDER AHHH!" Nel yelled and ran out the door

"Ah well…don't worry, well always have each other!" Amanda sighed, handcuffing him to the desk. Moments later he was chewing…trying to chew his own arm off in a desperate attempt to escape. Amanda was seemingly oblivious to this fact

"Won't this be fun? I can take care of you, tell you stories about myself, and you can introduce me back to that handsome rat thing!"

"Roger?"

"That's it!" she giggled again

"AMANDA! You have to get back to school this instant! Don't make me set the dogs on you!" a stern voice said

"Oh dang…the truant officer" Amanda muttered. Quick as lightning she and Cuddles jumped out the window and into freedom. "I'll be back soon brother dear!" she yelled at him

"Cripes," he murmured

"Hey uh…there's some people trying to get in at the front door…but it seems to be locked…any reason why?" Nel asked mockingly, standing at the door

"Just trying to keep out the rift-raft," he explained

"Really…well I'd be worried because they're trying to break down the door,"

"WHAT?" sure enough there was a loud chorus of thuds coming from the door, followed by a man's voice groaning.

"Um…didn't the package say a Laselle SHAPED battering ram?" a voice asked

"Maybe….but using Laselle in person is working much better don't you think?" another voice replied

"Dang it…I was sure I asked for them to leave the door unlocked,"

"Who answered the phone?"

"Albel, somehow he got rid of Nel,"

"Well there's the problem! Albel would never let us in!"

By this time Nel was laughing her head off, "um…close friends of yours?" she giggled

"More like fan girls," Albel muttered

"One, two HEAVE!" and the door finally came crashing down….leaving five girls in its wake.

"Well that was fun," one of them quipped

"It's Albel!" another one said excitedly

"All right! This is going to be fun!" yet another one said evilly

"Um, well may I ask who you are?" Nel asked amused

"Well, that's Aleu, CAT, lil, Epiclesis, and I'm Blue, I came up with the idea," the girl said pointing out the members of the posse

"Oookkk…so um…why are you here?" Nel asked another question as they fanned out and looked around the radio station

"Oh we just wanted to visit…" Aleu commented

"And get a first hand view of the questioning," lil grinned

"…grrreeeaatt…" Albel rolled his eyes

"Amaya came too, but the sign outside your door says no animals? Why is that?" Aleu asked

"Because Roger doesn't like to see competition," Albel snickered

"Well anyway….since you're all here…why don't we get started with these questions?" Nel said

"Well…I asked my questions a long time ago, so Aleu why don't you start." Blue said

"Ok! Number one did you like that kiss that I dared you to do?" Aleu said slyly

"……..maybe" Albel muttered

"It was alright," Nel shrugged

"Ok then…Nel how in the world do you fight in an outfit like that?"

"I don't, I have a stunt double" Nel replied easily

"O.o"

"Yep you learn something new everyday," CAT said shaking her head

"Besides when I do fight, I'm used to the clothes," Nel finished, grinning inwardly

"How about you Albel, has your skir…sarong…sorry, ever flown up during a battle?"

"No…I take care not to have that happen," Albel said a bit weirded out

"Do you even wear underwear under that?"

"……yeah I do, anymore stupid questions?" Albel replied menacingly

"Not for you, but Nel you forgot your copy of the 'Albel to English' dictionary, so here." Aleu threw the giant book at Nel

"Thanks! I was wondering what happened to that thing," Nel said

"My turn!" lil cried, "Albel did you ever have a boyfriend when you were growing up?"

"Uh…no" Albel sneered

"Really? I would have thought that since you look like a girl, all the boys would be after you!"

"He must have been really popular with the guys," Nel laughed

"God…." Albel groaned

"I wonder if a guy ever tried to pin him against a wall and kiss him…" lil pondered

"THAT'S DISGUSTING!" Albel finally snapped

"Moving on…Nel did you ever have a girlfriend? Because you look pretty much like a guy…."

"…..hey we're talking about Albel's relationship problems not mine, but no, no girl ever did….some guys though……I ended up decapitating them….." Nel said, thinking deeply

"O.o" Albel scooted away from the evil (ish) red head.

"Ha…that's great!" lil laughed

"OO! Me next!" Epiclesis grinned

"Crap…." Albel muttered again

"Albel…has your handwriting always sucked? Or did that just happen when you got your arm burned off? Because you only have a 4 for writing…." Epiclesis asked

"He was never the brightest child….." Nel began a flashback

"NO! No more memories like that please!" Albel begged

"And so the Wicked fell to his knees like a little baby," Blue narrated

"So what's your answer?" CAT asked impatiently

"Yeah we're waiting!" Aleu chimed in

"Fine…I don't have good writing skills…nor have I never had good writing skills…so get off my back!" Albel snapped

"Jeez…bite my head off why don't you?" Epiclesis said shocked

"I hate my life," he moaned

"Ok then Albel I know that you aren't good at baking cookies…but are you a horrible cook at everything or just that?"

"I suck at cooking…but that's a woman's job, not a guys." And in an instant he realized that he had said the wrong thing in a room full of ladies. Every girl's eyes narrowed at the comment

"GET HIM!" lil yelled and WWIII was about to erupt. Finally Nel sighed and patched up the whole matter…moving on with the questions

"Why did you grow your hair out Albel?" Epiclesis asked

"It's a Nox family tradition," Albel said proudly

"What to look like a girl?" Nel snickered

"Damn you!" Albel drew out his katana

"Not now! We have guests!" Nel hissed at him

"Fine…." Albel grumbled

"Since we all know that you wore pink ribbons in your hair…did you take ballet lessons too?"

"…….."

"Yeah he did," Nel said calmly

"Quit telling them stuff about me!" Albel yelled

"It was an interesting class that year….all the girls ganged up on the one guy in the class (Albel) and we put a ton of make up on him…not that he minded….." Nel grinned

"I really REALLY hate my life," Albel grimaced

"Well um…thanks for answering my questions Albel," Epiclesis said innocently

"What are you plotting?" Albel said warily

"Oh…nothing…." And with one swift movement she cut a piece of Albel hair off

"What the HELL?"

"Um…I need it….or me and Aleu need it actually….i know you won't mind!"

"And what if I do?"

"Nel it's your turn! Are you still leader of the Secret Legion? Or are you now a Crimson Blade?" Epiclesis ignored the affronted Albel

"…Still a member of the Secret Legion" Nel responded

"Ok…why don't you ever use symbology to attack Albel when he's annoying you?"

"Eh…to much trouble…he could attack me first before I got the spell out…not that he would remember,"

"Quit making fun of me!" Albel yelled. The girls giggled.

"Are you sure you just don't like Albel?" Epiclesis teased

Nel paled, "Um….i really don't know…."

"Surrrreee…." Epiclesis grinned, "Now my final question is for both of you. Why in the heck do you follow these dares?"

"Because we don't like to lose," Nel said

"Wouldn't it just be easier to forfeit them? I mean it's not like you're getting anything for doing them,"

"….."

"OOOOO! Albel likes Nel! And vise versa!" all the fan girls laughed

"……crap" both of the co-hosts sweat dropped

"And last but not least is me!" CAT proclaimed

"…and then you people leave?" Albel said hopefully

"For the time being," Blue said with an evil grin

"…dang it I bet they're going to come back…." Albel muttered

"My first question, do either of you know anything about a guy named Dias?" CAT asked

"Sounds familiar," Albel said

"Are you sure it's not Dion? That guy was annoying," Nel said in remembrance

"Nope it's Dias. Anyway I was just wondering because you both are sort of girly versions of him…."

"………cripes….." Nel muttered

"Well anyway, Albel, why did you try and kill Fayt that one night at the inn?"

"I wanted to ask the maggot a question but he wouldn't wake up," Albel explained

"Are you sure you weren't just crying out for attention from your wittle fwiends?"

"…." Albel's eye started twitching, "No…"

"I've got it!" Blue exclaimed, "He was afraid that Fayt would steal Nel away from him!" Everyone but Nel and Albel gasped. Nel because she was busy laughing her head off in a corner and Albel because he was sorely mad and creeped out.

"Another theory! Fayt is just an android programmed to say UP3 every few seconds!" CAT exclaimed

Suddenly Fayt rushed into the room, "Hey! UP3, I'm not, UP3, a robot! UP3, and I'm just trying, UP3, to follow the law! UP3UP3UP3UP3UP3UP3UP3UP3UP3" and Fayt then fell to the floor twitching and convulsing.

"Nice to see you Fayt," Nel said sarcastically and promptly pushed the blue haired earth boy down the stairs

"…..wow….." Aleu shook her head

"I'll say," lil murmured

"So what are your favorite candies?" CAT asked the duo

"Well I kinda like lemon drops…." Albel answered. Nel didn't say a word, having known better, and for good reason for CAT had an evil gleam in her eye

"Well I just happen to have some of those with me…but first you gotta tell me, what is your middle name?"

"I'm not going to tell you that worm!" Albel sneered

"Fine," she sighed, "you might as well have these candies then," she handed him the entire bag

"Thanks a lot," he mumbled, his face filled with candy. All of a sudden, he drooped, and his eyes stared blankly at nothing in particular as he started to drool.

"I knew I was smart not taking those things!" Nel exclaimed

"Now Albel, what is your middle name?" CAT said patiently

"Glou Oddeye Airyglyph Ponyboy Castello Romaria Marilyn" Albel finally managed to get the words out

"Whoa…." Blue said shocked

"HA! He has two girls' names for it!" CAT was on the floor laughing

"Ponyboy?" Aleu giggled

"Isn't Oddeye the dragon?" Epiclesis asked

"Sure is! He'll never live this down!" Nel laughed

"I've got it recorded!" lil held out the tape recorder

"And everyone will have heard it on the radio…" Nel said thinking about all the humiliating days Albel would have to live, "Well that's all the time we have for today; tune in next time for Elicoorian Radio!"

"Bye everyone!" the five yelled

"Pancakes…." Albel drooled

**(A/N: Woo! I actually got the chapter written! Well thanks for all the reviews first of all. I'm sorry if I missed you in the 'field trip' but I do think I got everyone…I could be wrong though…but I hope you like this chapter….it's 10 pages long on my computer so…be thankful!)**


	9. Chapter 9

Chapter 9: And Albel Gets Some Support…

**(A/N: uh…yeah…well…here's another addition of Ask Albel to soothe peoples souls….because I'm kinda afraid that they might kill me because of my long vacation from this story (wait…actually probably not since Lost has been on hold for AGES) but I hope you enjoy this!)**

_**Disclaimer: LALALA! I CAN'T HEEEEAAAARRR YOUUUUU!**_

"And we're back with Levallia on the air. This is your radio station Elicoorian Radio!" Nel finished her speech grandly

"You just had to make a big show of it didn't you wretch?" Albel said disgruntled, still freaked and upset about being 'poisoned' with Truth potion and the whole visit of the last chapter.

"Shut it skirt boy" Nel glared at him before turning her attention to the caller

"Well first of all there is absolutely nothing wrong with your outfit Albel and your hair…well it's just AWSOME!" Levallia exclaimed

"FINALLY SOME MAGGOT AGREES WITH MY FASHION SENSE!" Albel yelled into the sky

"One maggot out of a million Nox" Nel answered rolling her eyes

"Anyway my first question, out of everyone you know, who do you hate the most?" Levallia asked

"That's easy…Lasselle" Albel answered

"Same question for Nel"

"That'd have to be Lasselle…amazing how many people hate him out there..." Nel trailed off

"Of course there's a close second…Vox" Albel shuddered

"So true…Vox was an arrogant jerkwad" Nel shook her head

"Anyone else?" Levallia asked

"Well let me just get out my 'Top Five People I Want to Run through with My Katana' list" Albel said pulling out the sheet of paper

"….You carry a piece of paper saying who you want to kill around with you?" Nel asked dumbfounded

"Don't you?"

"Uh…no"

"Oh…well I do because I am GREAT!" Albel grinned evilly

"JUST GET ON WITH IT!" Nel yelled

"1. Lasselle 2.Vox 3.Amanda…."

"Wait…you put your SISTER on you list of people to kill?"

"Yeah so what's your point?"

"Oh no point…just want the listeners at home to visualize the loving family relationship of the Nox's"

"…Whatever, 4. Luther,"

"He's already dead…"

"SHUT UP! And 5 Roger"

"Why Roger?"

"Bah that worm is so annoying….he deserves to die"

"And there you have it Albel's To Do list" Nel said sarcastically

"Ha ha very funny" Albel mocked

"Any other questions?"

"Yeah, Albel why do you let Nel push you around? Surely you can beat her! I'll even help,"

"Of course I can beat the wretch…but she doesn't play fair…she sneaks up on me!" Albel said bitterly

"Sure…we're in a 25 by 25 foot room…and I sneak up on you," Nel rolled her eyes yet again

"I'll maybe have to take you up on that offer…" Albel muttered to Levallia

"Sure anytime! And my last question for you…Do you talk to the Crimson Scourge often?"

"Of course not! It's a sword for cripes sakes!"

"Oh I beg to differ…" Nel trailed off into a flashback

"NOT ANOTHER ONE!" Albel said angstly

_Flashback!_

"Albel the others and I are worried about you," Fayt said in what he thought was a private conversation but really Nel was video taping from her comfy spot on the ceiling

"……" Albel glared at him

"We're just afraid that you spend too much time talking and listening to that sword of yours," Fayt continued

"……"

"Yes I know it talks and its one thing to talk to it occasionally but when you start to LISTEN to every word its saying then we get worried,"

"……"

_"Kill him…kill him now!"_ a small voice was heard clearly throughout the room

"Uh…what?" Fayt said confused

_"KILL HIM!"_ the small voice said yet again

"SHUT UP WORM HE HEARD YOU!" Albel pulled out the sword and yelled at it

_"DON'T TELL ME TO SHUT UP! I HAVE POWERS YOU CAN'T EVEN IMAGINE!" _

"YEAH LIKE THE AMAZING POWER NEVER TO KEEP QUIET!"

"…. O.o …." Fayt edged his way out of the room in a freaked out zombie like mode

_"I AM THE SOURCE OF YOUR POWER! YOU MUST OBEY!"_

"OVER MY DEAD BODY!"

_"THAT CAN BE ARRANGED!"_

"SCREW YOU"

Suddenly there was a crashing noise as Nel fell from the ceiling in a laughing fit

"…That better not be a video camera Zelpher"

"You'll never know!" Nel sprinted out of the room, "until next years Christmas party that is…" she murmured

_End of Flashback!_

"Damn you woman!" Albel threw his katana at Nel as she broke down in a fit of laughter

"And that should answer that question…any others?" Nel said still giggling

"Yes…why are you so mean to Albel?"

"Because he's just so much fun to tease…but we all still love him," Nel said

"Bah…" Albel muttered

"Next caller, Yuumei," Nel said, still chuckling

"Albel is it true that your hair was originally blonde but it became black in an unfortunate burning accident?" Yuumei asked

"No he just ran out of hair dye," Nel spoke up before Albel could even answer

"NO! Actually it's just a Nox family tradition that I try to uphold," Albel said proudly of his 'hair'-tige

"Oh yeah…the tradition for all the men to look like girls…" Nel remembered

"NO! And screw you!"

"…wow testy aren't we?"

"Any other questions?" Albel asked angrily

"Have you ever considered adding 'Caterpillar' to your vocabulary? I mean with words like worm and maggot caterpillar would fit right in!"

"Ha ha very funny," Albel said sarcastically

"Just doing my job!" Yuumei said gleefully

"What job would that be maggot?"

"To annoy the pants off of you!"

"He doesn't wear pants though," Nel pointed out

"True…then to annoy the skirt off of you!"

"………"

"Any other questions?" Nel asked

"Yeah, do you know what a MOOGLE is Albel?"

"No…why should I?"

"Darn…oh well…MOOGLE!" and Yuumei hung up

"Well that was weird…" Nel said

"……Reiko x 3 you're on the air

"Nel how can you have not snapped and killed Roger yet? I mean I would have a long time ago!" Reiko asked

"Because he's just a kid…I can't hurt him…I leave that to Peppita," Nel replied

"I'm with you on killing him though," Albel muttered

"Ok…well Albel, since Nel got a new set of daggers, would you like a new katana? I've got plenty, The Dragon Fang which encompasses itself in flames at the users command, Ultima Blade which absorbs magic, Dark Star which is capable of unleashing a mini apocalypse…."

"Did you say a katana that unleashes apocalypses?" Albel said eagerly

"Yep,"

"Send it right over!" Albel laughed manically

"……you do know what an apocalypse is right?" Nel asked

"Nope but it sounds dangerous and cool," Nel sweat dropped

"You don't know what you're getting into…" she warned

"I'll send that right over…" and Reiko let out an equally evil laugh (though that could have been the demon laughing….) and hung up

"Shit," Nel mumbled

"Deathblade Prime you're on the air!" Albel said in a sort of happy for him voice…forgetting that Deathblade was a frequent caller

"I'm giving you a break today Albel," Deathblade said

"YEAH! Today is a good day! All it needs now is some blood and guts and we'll be good…" Albel cackled

"Instead we're going to find out what Nel values more…"

"Damn…" Nel shuddered

"…her honor or her dignity. Nel I dare you to dance to the song 'I'm Too Sexy'"

"……"

"Oh this should be interesting," Albel smirked

Nel sighed and began dancing (I do my little turn on the catwalk yeah I'm too sexy for my shirt……(**BTW: I don't know the song…hardly at all…sorry!**) she was done moments later

"That was totally retarded" she muttered

"HA! That was the picture of humiliation maggot!" Albel cackled even more

"And now for Albel…" Deathblade began

"HEY! You said you were going easy on me!"

"This is easy…there a game called a Piñata, have you ever heard of it?"

"Uh…yeah," Albel said, remembering the game of hitting a paper statue thing…and candy flying out after hitting it

"Well what I want you to do…Go get Lasselle and a baseball bat…use him as the Piñata and do as much damage as possible,"

"SWEET!" Albel went running out of the room. Minutes later they could hear thudding and yelling. Albel came back with a flushed face…clutching a baseball bat that seemed to have blood on it

"That was most enjoyable," he said happily

"Shinigami656 you're on the air," Nel said

"Albel have you ever had a girlfriend before?" Shinigami asked

"No…women are weak," Albel replied

"Excuse me?" Nel said raising an eyebrow at the remark

"It's true,"

"Don't make me have to get the fan girl posse back here," Nel warned

"Bah…"

"Can I be your slave girl Albel?" Shinigami pleaded

"NO!"

"PLEASE?"

"I said NO WORM!"

"Fine, would you like some cookies then?"

"No"

"Why not? They're good!"

"I don't want cookies!"

"Jeez…you're no fun…oh well I only have one more question for you left…Why are you so sexy?"

"Nox family secret," Albel said proudly

"Like I've said before…PLASTIC SURGERY," Nel laughed

"Witch…" Albel muttered

"Nel why do you always tease Albel…its mean!" Shinigami asked

"Because he's just so fun to make fun of!" Nel exclaimed, "But like I said we all love him…"

"Ok…did you know that you and Albel are role models to many people? What do you think of that?"

"We are?" Albel said stunned

"It's flattering…even if Albel doesn't know what's going on," Nel replied as the conversation ended, "Blue Persuasion you're on the air

"Haven't you tormented me ENOUGH?" Albel said exasperatedly

"Nope, but you guys do get a break today…all I want to know is what are the most embarrassing things you've caught the others doing?" Blue asked…somewhere poised with a notebook for easy blackmail

"Well Fayt paints his toenails…." Albel began

"Oh come on EVERYONE knows that!"

"Well I caught that maggot Peppita reading some Fan fiction smut…and Adray has to shave his back…that's all I know," Albel said thinking

"I caught Mirage and Cliff making out in a closet once…" Nel said reminiscing

"Uh…didn't she make you promise to not say anything about that?" Albel asked

"Shit…" Nel said, grimacing as she heard a loud shout and frenzied swearing

"They are going to kill you," Albel warned her

"You think I don't know that?" Nel said rolling her eyes

"Well thanks for the blackmail….I mean info! INFO!" and Blue quickly hung up

"Aleu the Lunar Wolf, you're on the air," Albel said

"Albel…did you know that your voice actor voices for Kouichi from Digimon, Tsume from Wolf's Rain and Rude from Final Fantasy VII Advent Children?" Aleu asked

"Uh…no I did not know that…nor do I know any of that stuff that you just said," Albel said confused a bit…as loud thudding was heard outside the door

"Oh…well Nel could you let Amaya in? I think I hear banging on the door,"

"No what gave you that idea?" Albel said sarcastically as the pounding got louder…and a voice was heard,

"Albel when I get in there you are so dead!"

"Damn…" Albel muttered and ran and hid as the door finally gave way

"Where is he?" Amaya growled. Nel shrugged, "I'll get him one of these days…and you'll know when!" and with that she stalked out

"That was close," Albel said as soon as the coast was clear

"Wimp," Nel muttered

"What was that?"

"Nothing!" she said in a sing-song voice, "ThrogmortenMimic you're on the air."

"Albel, how come you let those girls just push you around? You've got to fight back man! Better to die a man then to be tortured and humiliated by girls…and guys probably too…."

"And yet another is sympathetic to The Wicked," Nel narrated

"Tell you what…I'll bring my katana and we'll go down as men together!"

"Huzzah! Together we'll fight!" Albel yelled triumphantly

"First I need directions…"

"Right…I'll send them to you and we'll meet here sometime!" Albel cackled gleefully

"You're really weird," Nel said giving him a funny look

"Lil creator you're on the air!" Albel said, ignoring Nel

"Albel, if you took ballet lessons then you must have taken ice skating then too, right?" lil said

"Why would you want to know maggot?" Albel sneered

"Aw please! I'm curious like that!" all was quiet for a moment until, "Ow!"

"What happened?" Nel asked

"Well…uh…I tried to poke Albel," lil said sheepishly

"Through the phone?"

"Yep!"

"Ooookkkk then…."

"So did you take ice skating then?" lil asked again

"Yeah he did," Nel finally said when Albel wouldn't say anything

"Damn you!" Albel glared at her

"Let me guess…you were there too weren't you Nel," lil laughed a little

"Yep…" Nel started

"She was 2nd best though!" Albel cackled

"…You were the first?" lil said shocked

"That's right!

"No way! Why haven't you gotten out into the world? I mean you could be famous!"

"Fame isn't important I'll have you know," Albel said wisely

"Ooo wise words from 'Albel the Wicked, Best Swordsman in Airyglyph,' yeah fame REALLY wasn't important to you," Nel said sarcastically as Albel's eye started twitching

"Bah….screw you all," Albel muttered

"Yes this has been another exciting addition to Elicoorian Radio…now I've got to run…'cause Mirage is going to kill me. This is Nel Zelpher…." Nel said hastily as a furious cloud of dust issued from the east

"And Albel Nox," Albel muttered

"…Signing off of Elicoorian Radio!" And Nel tore off in another cloud of dust…to escape the wrath of two furious Kluasians

**(A/N: ha! This chapter was kinda fun to write…Well hope you enjoyed it and please send in those questions!)**


	10. Chapter 10

Chapter 10: The Special 10th Episode of Ask Alnel!

**(A/N: peaks nervously out from behind the corner Um…hi there…receives glares and people start throwing rocks OK I'M SORRY!!! It's not completely my fault (just mostly) that I've been away from this story for like…FOREVER. I've been soooo busy…It's not funny…ok it sorta is but not to me.**

**But I'm updating (finally) And I hope you still like and review…though I'm not hold out much hope sweat drops If I modified some things I'm sorry in advance…still hope you like it!)**

"I'm still wondering why the heck we got stuck with this job," Albel grumbled as, yes you guessed it, another episode of Ask Alnel began.

"We're just special like that," Nel replied sarcastically, "It was a better idea than the King of Airyglyph and Queen of Aquaria marrying us off wasn't it?"

"Bah," Albel sulked

"But today is a very exciting day…" Nel started

"Exciting for whom?" Albel interrupted

"…for Ask Alnel!" Nel finished, ignoring Albel, "You see, we received a very generous donation from an anonymous listener,"

_And somewhere in the deep dark realms of space Kikeri Ki was laughing her head off at the trouble that this little 'donation' could cause._

"So what is it?" Albel asked

"It's called "The Albel Outfit Tracker" It measures how many times your outfit will be made fun of on this show!" Nel grinned evilly

"……That's not funny,"

"Yeah it is, you just have no sense of humor, skirt-wearing sissy," and sure enough the digital display on the alarm-clock looking device switched from a zero to a one, "It works!"

"……" Albel pulled out his katana

"Caller one, shinigami 656, you're on the air," Nel smiled, flipping on the microphone,

"Alright, I've got some questions for Nel first," shinigami said, "First off, is that your real hair color?"

"I thought we went over this already…yes it's my natural hair color," Nel rolled her eyes

"And how do WE know that?" Albel grinned nastily

"…because our planet happens to be 'primitive' or whatever that big word was that Fayt used to describe it…I kinda lost interest," Nel replied

"Listening to him for too long will do that," Albel agreed, "That's why I usually just don't pay attention to him at all,"

"Next question: have you ever considered taking belly-dancing classes?"

"Um….no…..I just do my battling workouts" Nel said

"But it's really good for you!"

"…so are my workouts"

"At least with the dancing you don't have as much of a chance of getting killed," shinigami argued

"True I guess…"

"Anything else?" Albel asked

"For Nel? Just a nice little dare…then it's your turn," shinigami laughed evilly

"What's the dare?" Nel asked warily

"You have to dance to the song 'Hips Don't Lie' by Shakira"

"O.o"

"Yep that's right, have fun!" shinigami grinned

Suddenly Fayt burst into the room, eyes closed, headphones blasting that very song from an I-pod. It was horrifically disturbing…even more so when he began to sing

"And I'm Oooonnnn tonight/ You knoooowwww my hips don't lie/ And I'm starting to feeeeelllll it's right…." he sang in a squeaky, falsetto

**(A/N: sorry to interrupt…I've never actually heard the song…I'm just doing an impersonation of how I'd think Fayt would sing…horribly XD)**

"O.o" Albel and Nel looked at each other and started snickering. Fayt stopped short, and seemed to realize for the first time where he was…on live radio…and everyone was laughing at him

"…shit…" and he promptly ran out of the room panicking.

"Do I have to do that dare? Or was Fayt's horrible dancing enough?" Nel finally choked out of her laughter

"……" shinigami was laughing to hard to speak, "no…that was enough amusement to last the century," she laughed evilly as she shut off the secret video camera hidden in the station

"…alright…do your worst," Albel sighed as he knew his turn had arrived.

"Well, what hobbies do you have?" shinigami asked. Albel opened his mouth and was about to speak when he was interrupted, "Besides killing people of course"

"Oh…well…"

"He like to ice skate," Nel laughed

"I do not! Just when I was younger…" Albel muttered

"Suuuurreee,"

"Well I like cleaning my weapons…and I spend a lot of time on my hair," Albel finally answered

"…you spend time on your hair?" Nel raised her eyebrows

"Don't look down on me because of it wretch…as a public figure I must look my best," Albel replied

"….priss"

"How many hours to you spend on it anyway?" shinigami asked

"Well between the shampooing, conditioning, combing, yelling at Shelby for stealing all the hair gel, hitting him in the head with the empty bottle of gel, finding new bottle from my secret stash, braiding and ribbon-wrapping, I'd have to say about 2 hours"

"Wow…well…."

"Albel is a nancy-boy…who would have ever guess…besides everyone" Nel snickered

"…" Albel glared at her

"So next question," shinigami said, "have you ever drank blood?"

"…do I look like a vampire to you worm?" Albel muttered

"I bet you have…I bet in the heat of battle after killing monsters of much less caliber than you, you get blood on your lips and have licked it off…just admit it," Nel gave him one of her knowing looks

"Well that would make sense," shinigami agreed

"…you both suck" Albel slouched in his chair

"You know that's probably why so many people think he's a vampire…because he gets all gross and bloody with blood all over his lips. It makes perfect sense!" shinigami exclaimed

"Probably…wait who thinks I'm a vampire?" Albel asked warily

"Well let's just go to the polls!" Nel whipped out a pointer-stick and tapped on a chart that happened to randomly appear, "according to our poll, 65 of Airyglyph alone thinks that you are a vampire, or at least half vampire,"

"Those fools will pay," Albel muttered, pulling out his katana

"Not now Albel! We've got a show to finish!"

"How many sarongs do you own?" shinigami asked

"7 one for each day of the week, plus a few extra, you know in case my daily beating of some foolish worm or another gets a little…out of hand…" Albel finished on somewhat of a morbid note

"…oookkk…well now for a couple of questions for both of you!"

"Greeeeaaattt," Albel murmured

"First off, what are your favorite types of music?"

"Well I'm kinda into rock, with some classical thrown in there for good measure," Nel answered  
"As well as the Barney theme song," Albel snickered

"…shut up…I'm going to kill Fayt for introducing me to that song…it's just so damn…catchy,"

"What about you Albel?"

"I like heavy metal, though some rock is awesome enough for my tastes," Albel replied

"Don't forget about the Hamster Dance Song," Nel added

"Wretch…that song is the bomb and you know it!"

"…Did you just say 'the bomb'?" shinigami asked

"…crap" Albel mumbled humiliated

"You've been around Fayt too much," Nel sympathized

"I've got one question…what's with making fun of Fayt in this episode?" Albel asked

"Not sure…"

"He's probably going to get pretty mad,"

"I'm sure we can just throw him out the window like we did Cliff," Nel reasoned

"So what animal would you be if you could be anything?" shinigami interrupted

"Um…I'd like to be a fox…they can sneak and are clever," Nel answered

"Well that wasn't a random spot for a question," Albel muttered, "I'd be a phoenix…"

"Why?" Nel asked

"Because they can never die! And they kill every one around them when they burst into flame and are reborn! Who wouldn't want that?"

"Ooookkk…thanks for your questions! Next caller, Aleu you're on the air!"

"Crap…" Albel closed his eyes in defeat

"Oh give me a break you baby, I'm not going to torment you that badly" Aleu laughed

"O.o"

"So Albel, do you ever sleep walk?"

"No," Albel said defiantly

"Oh really," Nel raised her eyebrows, " How come I found you in my bedroom that one night,"

"Well…."

"And you were down in the kitchen another night, about to shish-kabob the cook,"

"Uh…"

"And then….."

"OK! We get it! Wait…why were you up in the middle of the night anyway?"

"I get up every night to do some late night training…mainly just emptying the fridge of any cereal it contains,"

"…why is there cereal in the FRIDGE?" Aleu asked

"Search me…I think Clair puts it in there to aggravate me,"

"Moving on from this increasingly disturbing topic…" Albel interjected

"Alright, Nel, would you like a new weapon? Or how about a summon? I can get one to you pronto," Aleu said

"Hmm…" Nel thought

"NO! Not this again!" Albel said horrified

"Well it would be really neat to have beams of energy fly out of my hands…" Nel concluded

"Oh dear Lord I'm going to die," Albel moaned

"Heh…this could be fun…later!" Aleu signed out

"Hououza you're on the air," Nel said

"I don't really have any questions for you…but I am wondering if anyone out there has a spare set of male ninja body guards to help out Albel," Hououza said

"Wow…congratulations Albel, someone actually WANTS to help you," Nel said a bit sarcastically

"SWEET!" Albel grinned, rather wickedly, "so is there anyone?"

"Um…nope not yet…we'll keep you posted," and Hououza hung up

"Curses…Sorceress Myst…oh double crap," Albel finished up his intro

"Well Albel I've been doing research on your history," Sorceress Myst began

"I bet that's interesting," Nel mused

"You have NO idea," she grinned, "But in my research I have found that SOME people have been saying that Romero King of the Dumb…Dead…whatever…is your grandfather…is this true?"

"WTF???" Albel stared, "Uh I don't think so…"

"When's the last time you actually looked up your family history?" Nel asked

"Bah…fool…I don't read!"

"Figures…" Nel rolled her eyes

"What about this, is it true that Sophia went back in time, married your father and became your mother? the resemblance is there…" Sorceress Myst asked

"What resemblance?" Albel asked, while Nel rolled around the floor in a mad laugh

"you know…wasn't it on another one of our episodes that Sophia came in here and hugged you almost to death after one of our listeners told her you had a crush on her?" Nel choked out

"….I thought we made it clear NEVER to mention that incident again," Albel glared

"But think about it! If she was your mother and she came in here and started gushing how much she loved you, isn't that incest…" she thought a moment. "Or child abuse,"

"I'd go with the child abuse," Albel muttered

"I think we're going to make a lot of enemies on this show…" Nel pondered

"That's why we have lawyers…at least I'm pretty sure Sophia doesn't listen to this show…she's to busy with that Peppita girl writing that Fanfiction crap," Albel shrugged

"Anyway, thanks for returning my Mind Control helmet Nel. I've got another little present for you. Under your chair you'll find my newest invention, the Albel Will Be Your Slave For A Day, remote. It does what it says…but be warned…the effects only last a day and he'll be immune to it afterwards. Nifty little device huh?"

"Welsh Vineyard couldn't have done better," Nel agreed

"Why did you just tell her all that stuff while I was around?" Albel asked in shock and horror

"…not quite sure…oh well, see ya!" Sorceress Myst hung up

"Oh no…" Albel stared at Nel who was holding up the remote and grinning

"Say good-bye to your free will Albel," She pressed a button

"NOOO!" and all went black

_A few hours later…_

"I hate you…" Albel said maliciously

"Oh come on, you had fun, just admit it!" Nel grinned

"…I had no free will or thought, remember?"

"True…but at least we've got pictures!" Nel threw some on the table

There was one where Albel was partying up a storm, wearing a bikini with a lampshade on his head, another showed him getting chased around an arena by a bull, a red flag tied around his waste. Still another showed the poor swordsman with his arm around Sir Shelby, grinning, you know, like they were actually FRIENDS. There were several more showing Albel doing ridiculous and humiliating feats.

"I still hate you…especially since I'm sure you have more copies of these pictures,"

"Well……" Nel gave him an innocent look. Suddenly the door of the studio slammed open and there was Shelby with an idiotic grin on his face

"BUDDY!" He ran at Albel. Weirded out that his enemy was flying at him with a huge grin and hug posture, Albel dodged and Shelby flew out the window at an incredible speed.

"That didn't just happen," Albel muttered darkly

"Um…oookkk…GirlWaterShaman your up next," Nel said

"Here's some questions for Albel, how do you survive surrounded by all these idiots?" GirlWaterShaman asked

Albel got a triumphant, pity-me sort of look on his face, "Well it's hard sometimes, I mean, someone as great as me…"

"I'm wondering right now who is the judge of who and what an idiot is," Nel interrupted

"Screw you," Albel glared at her

"How did you get so hot and sexy," GirlWaterShaman asked another question

"Well," he began with a smug look on his face, "I was born good looking but because of my perseverance and training I've become even hotter,"

"Oh please," Nel snorted, "You're so full of yourself,"

"You're just jealous," Albel retorted

" Next question, is there anyone you don't call a maggot?"

"He doesn't usually call me a maggot. It's usually 'wretch'. And he calls Fayt and Cliff, 'fool' and 'idiot' respectively," Nel answered for him

"Jeez take up my spotlight why don't you?" Albel said sarcastically.

"No problem,"

"Did you know that 'bah' is a famous saying of Ebenezer Scrooge?" GirlWaterShaman asked

"Who's that?"

"…Never mind…just remember, he says that,"

"Does that mean it's copyrighted?" Nel asked

"Crap…if it is I'm done for…" Albel groaned

"And my last question for Albel, do you have a girl friend? Besides Nel I mean,"

"NO! Women are weak fools…and Nel is the biggest fool of them all which is why she is a wretch," Albel answered

"Gee…I feel loved…I swear there's going to be a feminist mob coming in here pretty soon ego-boy"

"Let me at 'em…I can take them all,"

"…you're going to die,"

"Ok then…well here's some questions for Nel. First off, How do you deal with Farleen's squeaky voice day after day?" GirlWaterShaman began questioning again

"….um….weeeellll…" Nel stammered

"She can't deal with it," Albel supplied

"Yeah I can! With earplugs…" she finally admitted

"Have you ever thought of growing your hair longer?" The questions just kept coming,

"No, because having short hair is more practical for spying and fighting…it doesn't get in the way as much,"

"Ok, did it take a long time to learn runology?"

"Yes, it took quite a few years to master the techniques and rune symbols…plus it hurts like hell to get burned with those symbols," Nel grimaced

"So how come it didn't take me long to learn?" Albel asked grinning

"…because, it didn't hurt you to have the symbols engraved onto your metal arm, and plus you still can't use runology to save your life because you still suck at it," Nel shot back

"…anyway, for my last question, what was your most embarrassing moment with Fayt and the gang so far?"

"…Probably when I walked in on Mirage and Cliff making out…or when I caught Fayt dancing around in his underwear singing 'Like A Virgin'" Nel shuddered

"Did you really do that?" Albel asked, curiosity getting the best of him

"Yeah…I think I got some pictures around here of it too…only they will scar you for life…" Nel shuddered again before regaining composure, "lil-creator you're on the air!"

"ooo! I want to do a dare! Plllleeeeaaassseee?" lil-creator exclaimed

"Get on with it maggot," Albel sneered

"Nel I dare you to dress Albel up as a girl for a week,"

"WHAT?!" Albel yelled  
"Boy I don't know…" Nel stared at Albel

"Tell ya what, we'll just make the dare for one day,"

"His day is already ruined as is," Nel snickered, "Too bad I didn't save that remote for now,"

"You dress me up as a girl I swear I'll chop your head off," Albel threatened

"I could fix the attitude problem and fashion disaster but I don't think I could fix everything…" Nel said staring at Albel

"What now?" Albel said, staring back at her

"you're not too hot or humid are you Albel?" asked lil-creator

"No, why?"

"You hair looks the part," Nel supplied

"HEY!!!"

"Of course that could be that extremely strong gel at work," lil-creator shrugged

"Well the hair could be a problem…I mean, he wouldn't be a proper girl without a proper hair-style," Nel said

"Double dare you…" lil-creator taunted

"…ok," Nel shrugged

"NO WAY!" Albel screamed

"Ninja strike!" and again everything went black

_A while later…_

"Ta-da!" Nel unveiled her masterpiece, Albel in a pink frilly dress, hair in pigtails (pink ribbons of course), and tied up tight.

"Albela Nox!" lil-creator laughed

"I hate you all!" Albel finally managed to break free of his bonds and rushed out of the room, reappearing a few minutes later in his normal getup but looking very disgruntled and grumpy.

"So now for some questions," lil-creator said

"Haven't you done enough?" Albel glared at no one in particular

"Nope, Nel, how many times have you wanted to kill Farleen?"

"…many many times," Nel said

"And she's still here?"

"The friggen priest keeps reviving her,"

"Hey, isn't that him now?" Albel pointed out the window

"why that little…" and Nel rushed out of the room. The sounds of an extreme beating were heard outside, followed by a man's screams. Nel came back disheveled but somewhat satisfied

"Isn't that loud worm going to be mad when she finds out you wanted to kill her?" Albel asked

"No chance…I sent her into the far reaches of the Mosel dunes….I'm hoping she dries up to a crisp out there," Nel said a bit evilly

"O.o,"

"Well that's all I've got…but I am kind of sad that Albel couldn't follow through with that dare…"

"fat chance of that ever happening fool" Albel muttered

"So I've got a nice little gift for you Nel. It's a dressing room key! Now any time Albel messes up you can send him in there…my special 'team' already knows what to do." lil-creator laughed manically

"Damn…." Albel cringed

"and you see that keychain I gave you with the nice little button labeled 'Electrocution'? Well just press it and Albel will be out cold…I stuck a nice little sensor on him on my last visit and it's pretty much impossible to get off…oh the joys of super glue…bye!" and lil-creator signed out

"Life just sucks…sucks badly" Albel moaned

"Oh lighten up…just remember…if the world didn't suck we would all fall off" Nel tried being philosophical

"Jeez your concern is touching," Albel glared at her

"Skyhart, you're on the air," Nel said

"I'm just wondering what you two thought of space," Skyhart said

"…well it's black and empty," Albel said grumpily

"Oh liven up the show's almost over," Nel chided, "Space was fine…lots of spaceships and planets, and of course it's quite interesting when Cliff tries navigating through an asteroid field, or by a black hole…I don't trust him at all anymore,"

"Also what do you think of horoscopes?" Skyhart asked

"What's a horoscope?" Albel wondered

"It's those things…with the funny looking people and animals…you're a Pisces I think…I'm not sure…another one of Fayt's 'talks' that I tuned out," Nel shrugged

"Oh yeah…Um…I think it's fish," Albel said

"…congratulations General Obvious, you've just been promoted to Captain," Nel said sarcastically

"Screw you,"

"I don't really believe in horoscopes…they are pretty entertaining to watch though…especially when Albel's turns out to be rotten…like he will get trampled by ostriches or something.

"Ha ha very funny," Albel scowled at her

"And our last caller, Mithrilsword Magechild," Nel said

"First off, where are the Star Ocean comics? I want one!" Mithrilsword Magechild asked

"We have a comic?" Nel asked back

"Apparently,"

"I have NO idea where you'd find one…sorry," Nel said

"Oh well, anyway, why haven't you killed, Roger, Adray, Sophia, and Peppita yet? If I was there, that'd be one of my first missions."

"Well Adray we really can't get close to…he kinda…well…he's just one of those people you love to hate…so annoying…" Nel said

"Roger won't come near me," Albel explained

"Sophia…eh…she's kinda important…she's a weapon or whatever they're called," Nel looked up at the sky in thought

"and I won't go near Peppita…for some odd reason she's been trying to get me married to a toaster…NOT pretty," Albel cowered in fear of the toaster

"You're weird…" Nel raised an eyebrow

"And last but not least…for a nice little dare I want Nel to dye Albel's hair pink!"

"WHAT?!" Albel yelled

"Ooo…this will be fun," Nel grinned and pressed the 'Electrocution' button

_A little while later…_

"Anyone want a job as co-host?" Albel asked bitterly as he sat, tied up again, with bright pink hair

"The king and queen won't let you leave," Nel informed him

"Damn it…"

"This was a very interesting episode,"

"Interesting? More like humiliating and degrading,"  
"You poor baby…although I do have to admit that getting your dignity back after this will be hard…" Nel laughed

"Everyone sucks! Now get me out of here!!!" Albel screamed rocking the chair he was tied to, and succeeding in tipping it over

"Well we hope you enjoyed this very special edition of Ask Alnel," Nel started

"I hope you all die horrible and miserable deaths!" Albel yelled from his position on the floor,"

"And the Albel outfit tracker count today?" Nel looked at the screen, "7! Join us next time on another edition of Ask Alnel!"

**(A/N: Boy that took forever…but I hope you like this and don't kill me for lateness. Sorry again if I tweaked questions but I think it worked out ok…some of the dares were the ones that got messed with so sorry! Oh yeah before I forget…I'm not sure where the 7 on the Albel Outfit Tracker came from…I think it just kinda randomly appeared…darn pop up numbers lol)**


End file.
